You have gained exclusive membership to the Order of High Apes. This mysterious and prestigious society accepts those who display an essential appreciation for the great apes. In particular, several of our sources report your outstanding research on the elusive mango orangutan. Due to your published papers, we have deemed you worthy of the Ape Selection. Further instructions will be sent to you from our members, as our organization has influence across all 8 continents. Our main base of operations exists on the hidden 8th, which we have done well to hide from humanity over tens of thousands of years. If you are ready, child: Reject humanity. Become monke.

You're gay