The Smithybot's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 12:55pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:04pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 12:56pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Unlocked 27 Apr, 2014 @ 12:00am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked 13 May, 2014 @ 3:53pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 5:07pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 7:57pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 10:06pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked 27 Apr, 2014 @ 12:50am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked 20 May, 2014 @ 12:55am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 3:59pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 5:00pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 7:33pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Unlocked 20 May, 2014 @ 1:38am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 11:56am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Unlocked 13 May, 2014 @ 4:47pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:24pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 10:35pm

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Unlocked 27 Apr, 2014 @ 12:25am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:08pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked 19 May, 2014 @ 11:15pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked 1 Mar, 2016 @ 12:40am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 1:17pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked 13 May, 2014 @ 4:33pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked 13 May, 2014 @ 3:41pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 3:12pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 5:04pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 7:38pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 12:56pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Unlocked 13 May, 2014 @ 4:27pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 7:38pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 11:53pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 4:37pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 11:39pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 7:52pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:04pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:40pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 9:22pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:14pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:04pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Unlocked 27 Apr, 2014 @ 12:26am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 9:24pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 11:01pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 8:28pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 9:05pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 8:51pm

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.

Unlocked 20 May, 2014 @ 1:19am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

Unlocked 13 May, 2014 @ 2:06pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

Unlocked 26 Apr, 2014 @ 10:09pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Unlocked 21 May, 2014 @ 7:34pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 1:24pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 3:19pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 7:27pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 12:55pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 4:00pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 12:40pm

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 4:11pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 4:18pm

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 7:25pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 10:29pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

15 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

0 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

0 / 10

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

12 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

0 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

0 / 20

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

18 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

1,335 / 5,000