Learn to PAUNCH like MACHO MAN, OH YEAH! In this guide, you will unlock the cure to being a beta, you will become an alpha just like MACHO MAN, OH YEAH! As MACHO MAN once said, "Hulkamania is like a single grain of sand in the Sahara desert that is Macho Madness" You should learn from MACHO MAN, he is a good influence. When wrestling in PAUNCH, you must never be afraid, and there should be no cowardice. So what are you doing?!?!? Start learning to be a MAN!

Going into PAUNCH, you must realize that you've never played a game like this before. PAUNCH is played by throwing rocks at people (like a troglodyte) or slamming your flabby naked DIAPER wearing body against another naked flabby man, OH YEAH! There are 12 circles at the bottom of the screen which signify how many rocks are left which are also how many lives you have left. The rocks are your lives, OH YEAH! After all rocks are gone, the game enters into SUDDEN DEATH, and the next person who dies, DIES IN REAL LIFE! The "points" that you earn in the game don't really mean anything, if you have more points than the other person and you win, then you gain the amount of points you earned. If you have more points but lose, then it's a draw. Go out there OH YEAH, dip your toe into the freezing pool that is PAUNCH, and experience PAIN!!!!

"Snap into a Slim Jim!" -MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE

PAUNCH includes naked MEN, and you're gonna have to accept that OH YeAh! For some, you may come into the game a young boy, but leave a battle hardened MAN! Just like in real life, PAUNCH is not fair, you will lose, but atleast when you lose in PAUNCH, you can cry and people won't judge you, OH YEAH~! In PAUNCH, you need to preserve your honour, stop running away all the time, if you run all the time then it will just make your loss feel worse and it will draw out the game longer than it needs to be!

In PAUNCH, you must lob ROCKS! Think of the other player as your son, and YOU are the abusive step dad! BEAT YOUR SON INTO SUBMISSION! You are his dad now and you gotta make sure that he realizes that! Throwing your rock at your son from far away is FRUITLESS because your son SUCKS at catching ROCKS, when throwing rocks at your son, make sure that you are close to him. When your SON somehow gets a rock, staying far away is bad because your SON also SUCKS at throwing ROCKS and then NOTHING will ever happen and it will end in a stalemate! Try and get into your sons personal space OH YEAH and if he's running away, try and stay directly behind your son because it's harder for your son to throw rocks directly behind him!

The non-believers may call it false, they say it doesn't work, but trust me it does. When getting into a close altercation with the naked enemy, you must jerk your mouse back and forth OH YEAH! When jerking it back and forth, your chances of PAUNCHing the enemy increases greatly! I wish there was a way for MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE himself to come into your room and show you the way to jerk the mouse but sadly he died from a heart attack in 2011 OH NO!

Finally, you've made it this far, OH YEAH, and now you must learn the final trick. This only works when there are 3 rocks left and it is very situational. YOU must pick up 2 of the rocks left, there's one rock left on the ground. If you are able to melee the enemy with both of the rocks in your hand (DON'T THROW THEM) then there will be no rocks for the enemy to respawn inside (BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH IN YOUR HAND) and you will WIN. OH YEAH You've sucked me dry of all the tips and tricks that I have, I'm expecting you to give me something. 1 dollar, give me 1 dollar and I will spare your life OH YEAH