Sometimes I like to sneak into the attic with my mummy's iPad to play Minecraft, one time I saw a hot boobie mod for Minecraft and decided to install it - later I saw a super duper uber hot sexy skin with big boobiez, it made my pee pee hard and I begin to touch it, then my sister came into the attic and saw me poking my now enlarged member, she then kissed my forehead and began putting her mouth over it, it felt good and then I peed white sticky stuff in her mouth (which she swallowed), I then began to cry and begged her not to tell Mom and Dad that I peed myself, she told me not to worry - it'll just be our secret. Next time Mom and Dad were out I peed in her no no zone, she seems to like the sticky, white pee. So don't worry, just get your sister to help you out :)

You are a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Canadian - you are less than human to me. Do you know that I talk about issues in countries all over the world? Do you think I get all their ♥♥♥♥ right? The thrust of the issue is what matters principally here. You get that, right? The actual political arguments? Go ♥♥♥♥ yourself. How entitled do you have to be as a Canadian - "uh the significant political distinctions between my country and theirs actually invalidate any concerns you might have about overreach of government" - shut the ♥♥♥♥ up. Do you have any idea how many snivelling, ♥♥♥♥♥-cuck Canadians I've had in my replies on Twitter who have been screaming and crying that an American dare talk about their country's interests? You don't have a country, okay? You have a fractional portion of a country that is kept alive by your parasitic attachment to my massive behemoth United States of America. Shut the ♥♥♥♥ up, alright? You don't deserve to talk about your ♥♥♥♥, alright? Jesus ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Christ.

Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound.

Homer: It's my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.

The Way We Was
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Brian: Peter, only one gift was for charity. The rest were for the family.
Peter: No, the rest were FROM the family... weren't they? Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card, but it said 'For Peter' on it, so you must have thought it was FROM you, so you didn't uh... You know, it's just easier to call you stupid.
😲
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
😴
I still maintain the point that designing a monolithic kernel in 1991 is a
fundamental error. Be thankful you are not my student. You would not get a
high grade for such a design :-)
-- Andrew Tanenbaum to Linus Torvalds
🤔

♥♥♥♥♥♥ with ♥♥♥♥ internet

After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy

Now watch me Whip
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Now watch me Nae Nae
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CON"SWAG"ULATIONS, youse a bad ♥♥♥♥♥ that id 💯 whip with👊 💥🔥⚡💨
Send this to your top ten baddest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ to let them know y'all are trill as hell. If you don't send this on within 5 hours you will suffer with your $wag game for the next 10 years 🙅🚫‪#‎badb1tche5only‬