John 1:

On this heavenly day, JC taught his ♥♥♥ disciples that over the hill was a troll, nicknamed Moonen Jr. , for his luscious locks but terrible attitude, JC told the disciples they would know who he was when they saw him. JC warned the disciples to not interact with the troll, for it may try to deceive their beliefs.

John 2:

JC's disciples did not listen to JC, They adventured over the hill to find the troll and watch him ♥♥♥♥ on others for what they believed in. The troll engaged in travelling camel riders, doubting upon their faith and abusing them for having different opinions to the troll.

John 3:

The disciples approached the troll and attempted to contact him, but all they got was a face full of "youre all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid for believing in that LOL". The disciples decided someone needed to discipline the troll for his actions, and it was going to be them.

John 4:

For on this day the disciples consulted JC in their choice to take back the right to believe in what they wanted to. The disciples ventured to the one JC referred to as "Moses The Splitter", For he had a talent no one had ever seen.

John 5:

Moses The Splitter was not an easy man to be found, The disciples had to track down this man over many an hour, for he was splitting all around the place, Eventually he was located and they discussed with him their intentions, Moses was onboard.

John 6:

The disciples of JC returned home with Moses to rightfully ♥♥♥♥ up that troll native.
JC gave the disciples and Moses his blessing in their act of righteousness, The disciples camped outside the trolls location and waited for him to rise.

John 7:

On the seventh day the troll rose out of his ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hobbit hole to ♥♥♥♥ on the disciples and Moses for whom they loved (JC). Moses smited the troll on the forehead splitting the eyebrow in half, sending a backlash upwards towards the hairline burning his luscious locks away, leaving a skidmark along his skull. The troll would be forever known as The Skidmark.

John 8 : Book of JC

And by the power of the heavenly father, JC brought wine to thy fellow natives who abolished The Skidmark into eternal squanch, saving the world from his cancer. Amen.

John 9 : Bonus

The Skidmark, JC and Moses became friends and took a group picture together of The Skidmark and JC gripping the mighty ass of Moses.