MATCHMAKING
Buy Prime because you have heard that in non-prime there are too many cheaters.
Win 10 matches just to get Silver II.
Play 99 matches and win 90 of them but you still don't rank up.

FACEIT
Make a FACEIT account and play 40 games.
Buy FACEIT PREMIUM because you want to play more competitively.
Start playing in tournaments and actually win 2 of the 12 you've played.
Astralis offers you a spot as the 11th player on the team, you say no because you don't want to play competitively anymore.
Play casually for 7 months, then move to ESEA.

ESEA
Make an ESEA account just to find out that everyone there is bad at the game.
Send an email to ESEA asking for them to delete your ESEA account.
They anwser back a month later, saying that they have deleted your account.

ESPORTAL
Make an Esportal account, customize it to your liking.
Buy Prime for 12 months and get ranked very high.
Form a new team called Nord consisting of Danish players.
Disband the team after getting last in the last 5 tournaments they played.
Quit CS:GO because you're getting bored.

CONCLUSION
You now have 8760 hours and spent approximately $10,000 on skins.
You're Global Elite in MM, LVL 10 on FACEIT & Legend on Esportal.
You said no to play for the best team ever to touch CS:GO.
You tried making your own team but it flopped and they never got in top 50.
You officially quit CS:GO and wasted 1 year of your life playing a game you don't like anymore.