leader in the making

oh hai bestie! ur mai favvvv blackpilled incel :3

Nightmares and dreams can really set the tone for ones day, as many of you have probably experienced. Like when you wake up from a bad nightmare, it tends to leave you in a melancholy and surrealistic state for several hours. On the other hand, if you have a really beautiful dream, which, I can only recall one of in the last decade… and even though it was lucid, it was the most content and at peace I have felt in so many years that it brought tears of joy and gave me a very peaceful sense of self throughout the day. It was as if my mind did me a favor. like it knew how badly I needed it.
I just feel really alone, in large part because of this lucid dreaming, night terrors, and sleep paralysis that I regularly, if not always experience, night after night… someone please help me…. I can’t and I desperately don’t want to take this any longer…

The very first time I remember dying in a dream was when I was about 12-13 YO - I was picked up by this giant human monster. Like, as tall as a 15 story building. …As he was walking with me with me in his hand, he dropped me mid stride, which caused me to land on his upper knee/thigh area as it was in motion to take his next step. I remember feeling the brutal impact and having that darkness surround me for a moment and then eventually waking up into sleep paralysis. No spirit form was taken in that dream. I desperately want and need to do a sleep study because this has been plaguing me for so long and truly has become like a disease in my life that impacts me in almost always a negative way.

Many of them have caused me to weep uncontrollably because of how vivid and visceral it was. I’ve died in several dreams. One of the times that I died, it was a car accident, after the impact, everything went black, and it was kind of like when you’re underwater and you’re holding your eyes shut and you have no idea which way is up or down. Maybe you’ve been playing in the ocean and you get caught in a little tide and thrown around a bit and you just ball up and wait it out until you can get your bearings and stand up at the shore. After floating around in this darkness with no sense of self or any sense of direction and just drifting in the darkness, I came to as a spirit in my dream. I won’t go into what I witnessed as a spirit as it’s an unnecessarily long addition to this comment that’s already very long, but I can say that you don’t always wake up when you die in a dream.

Often times, because I woke myself up prematurely, I will slip back in over and over and over - I’ll wake up in sleep paralysis, start to be able to move, drift back off, wake back up in sleep paralysis, start to come out of it, drift back off and this will happen sometimes 10 to 20 times before I finally force myself to sit up in bed and kind of shake it off and get my awakened state more engaged. I sometimes have what I hope to be hallucinations when this occurs... I will hear people talking, people walking around upstairs, I will feel the presence of people all around me. These lucid dreams are also so incredibly visceral as well.. I’ve had dreams that have caused me to come close to vomiting (one time I actually did vomit) because of a certain taste or smell I experienced in the dream.