“What in God's name did you say about me, brother? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Sunday school, and I’ve been involved in numerous Bible ministries, and I have over 300 confirmed conversions. I am trained in apologetics and I’m the top theologian in the entire Youngstown diocese. You are more to me than just another lost soul. I will kindle your faith with commitment the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with saying that ungodly word to me over the Internet? Think again, brother. As we speak I am contacting my spiritual advisor and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for Christ, brother. The Christ that wiped out the pathetic little thing you call evil. You’re saved, kid. I can pray anywhere, anytime, and I can heal your faith in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare rosary. Not only am I extensively trained in Mariology, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Bible verses and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sin off the face of your soul, you beautiful creation. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re going to learn, brother. I will baptize all over you and you will drown in it. You’re finally alive, kiddo.” - Satisfied Customer

“My apologies madam it appears i have sent a photograph of my phallus by means of divine circumstance. I would hope that you, an esteemed lady of the highest order would never tell such a soul of this experience. Unless, you mayhaps find stimulation derived from your uncouth desires because of it? What? Thy madam thinks me a scallywag? T’was mere jesting, i have no need for such a lowly and pugnacious woman!” - Albert Einstein (Probably)