did you die

I sexually identify as a single, Pringle, ready to mingle. Ever since I was a potato I dreamed of being thin sliced, covered in disgusting oil then heated in a medium oven until reaching climax at the micro second of golden-browness. People bully me, and say things like "what the ♥♥♥♥, you aren't a Pringle", but I know deep down they are just jealous of my inner beauty. I have already started hiding in cylinders all day, and now im improving my crunchiness by regularly burning my sides on the stove. I want you guys to respect my natural ability to instantly satisfy low salt carb cravings, and if you don't you are oppressing me, and you should check your diabetes type. Thank you for being so understanding.