Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". I'm The Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. If you think I don't mind being called anything else, you're wrong. I do mind, The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.

If Mr. Lebowski is reading this, I dropped off the money exactly as per... look, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new ♥♥♥♥, you know, I... this could be a lot more, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?

And to the two ♥♥♥♥♥ who ruined my rug, you need to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ get me a new one. That rug really tied the room together, man.

3 Facts About Me:
1. I like to bowl.
2. I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate the Eagles.
3. My favorite drink is a White Russian.

P.S. If anyone finds my car, it contains a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and my uh... briefcase. I would like these returned to me as soon as possible.