You think you’ve had ramen? No, you’ve had noodles in a cup. What I had was divinity in a bowl—an umami-laced masterpiece that whispered ancient secrets into my soul. The broth, oh god, the broth, simmered for 48 hours in a cauldron forged by the hands of the ramen elders themselves. I slurped it and instantly ascended. I saw my ancestors. I forgave my enemies. I understood quantum physics. The noodles were hand-pulled by a monk who trained under a waterfall for ten years, and the chashu pork? It was so tender it apologized as it melted in my mouth. If your ramen doesn’t make you cry, it’s just soup. This was ramen. This was rebirth.

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What the ♥♥♥♥ did you just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ say about me, you little ♥♥♥♥♥? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the ♥♥♥♥ out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ words. You think you can get away with saying that ♥♥♥♥ to me over the Internet? Think again, ♥♥♥♥♥♥. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot.

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+REP Pelaut Handal