my bums itchy today help

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HAPPY NEW YEAR! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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………….……………………. „-/*"\„,„,
…….…………………….¸„-^"¯ :\_ / o '"*'"¯/' WOOF WOOF
……………………¸„„-^"¯ : : : : : : : : ¸„,-~"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸-"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :- GIVE THIS CUTE DOG
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯ TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT
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"-„_::::_„-*__„„~"

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╬═╬ Sup m8. I'll tell you that fortrue.
╬═╬☻/
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╬═╬/ \

Year 257,834 of No Fap: My brain has grown to gargantuan size and is now about the size of a bowling ball.I am now able to see into the future where I will rule over all of humanity as a deity. My cognitive capacity has eclipsed that of Albert Einstein by one hundred million megafaggots. However, due to the fact that my brain is still growing, my muscle tissue is rapidly deteriorating as my muscle tissues are transforming into brain cells to support my immense intelligence and as a result, I will soon be reduced to a vegetative state where I will be able to warp space time through my new knowledge of quantum physics. My knowledge of astrophysics has rocketed one million years ahead of anyone on the planet. Through this new knowledge, I unlocked the ability to warp gravity. With this new ability I was able to rip a hole in the space time continuum to create wormholes that I have placed on the edge of the Kuiper belt that lies beyond our solar system.