Bro, it’s 3:47 AM and I’m doomscrolling again. My phone’s at 2%, my brain’s at –404 Not Found. The glow of TikTok filters off my Mountain Dew Voltage looks like nuclear waste from a Fallout 3 sidequest. Somewhere in the distance, the faint hum of a Linkin Park AMV plays—“Crawling in my skin,” except the Wi-Fi’s lagging so it sounds like “Cra— in—my ski—.” I should sleep. But then again, sleep is cringe.

That’s when I hear it. Thud. A footstep outside my room. Probably my cat? No, I haven’t had a cat since the Great Tide Pod Incident of 2018. I peek through the blinds—nothing. Just the void and my own reflection: a Discord mod in his natural habitat, headset dent proudly gleaming.

Then my monitor flickers. 360p static. My browser opens itself to Newgrounds. The screen shows the Dancing Banana gif, looping, but the music’s reversed. I hear whispers: “You wouldn’t download a car.” The power cuts. A chill climbs my spine like a cursed Vine that won’t die.

A shape in the doorway. Masked. Hoodie. Energy that screams creepypasta but make it Zoomer. He’s holding…a floppy disk? Bro, who even owns those anymore? I grab my limited-edition PewDiePie G Fuel can like it’s holy water. “Stay back, sigma!” I shout, voice cracking like Windows XP startup audio. He doesn’t move.

I text my group chat: “help stepbro there’s a vibe check in my house.” No response. Everyone’s offline except a user named the_real_Jeff. He sends me a photo of my hallway—taken right now. The caption says, “top ten ways to die instantly (2025 edition).”

I nuke the router. Too late. My phone buzzes. Unknown number. The ringtone? “Sandstorm” by Darude. I pick up. On the other end, heavy breathing, like someone’s been running a Halo 3 match on dial-up.

“Why me?” I whisper. “What do you want?”

The figure steps closer. My LED lights shift to red—sus, but also kinda aesthetic. His mask glints: a distorted Trollface carved from chrome. He tilts his head, voice glitching like a corrupted .mp3.
“u mad bro?”

I scream. I yeet a body pillow at him—it bounces off harmlessly. He lunges, knocking over my Monster Ultra Paradise, green ooze splattering the carpet like Shrek’s tears. I fall back into my chair, spinning like a Beyblade of despair.

He’s right there, towering over me, breathing like a 2009 Slenderman fanfic. My life flashes before my eyes—Minecraft Hardcore runs, Harlem Shake videos, that one time I said “bruh” at a funeral. I close my eyes and wait for the final jump scare.

Then, in a voice trembling like Windows Text-to-Speech, he says:

“Yo… chill. I’m not here to kill you.”

I open one eye. “You’re not?”

He nods, wiping sweat from his mask. “Nah, man. Your palms are sweaty. You look kinda nervous.”

A pause. His voice softens.

“And, uh… I could really go for some of your mom’s spaghetti.”

The lights flicker back on. He pulls off the mask—it’s Eminem. I look down. There’s marinara on my hoodie. My computer auto-plays “Lose Yourself.” I drop to my knees, whispering the prophecy:

“He only gets one shot.”

Then the Wi-Fi reconnects, and I log back on.

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Current Single Player Game
Blasphemous
Casting of Frank Stone

Current Multiplayer Games:
Dead By Daylight
Marvel Rivals

Spotify Top 10 Songs
01. https://open.spotify.com/track/5NYjaAwqvdUWy44HKXEmyf?si=1fe6b34b0cad4513
02. https://open.spotify.com/track/1fYhvfLhP5xkA3JXtPHRFV?si=38d7d38578b94bcb
03. https://open.spotify.com/track/5iR9F8fS3Ahiu6GNPXbkOI?si=6d62f3bf90644f6f
04. https://open.spotify.com/track/1Y373MqadDRtclJNdnUXVc?si=50b6bc9fab7e4721
05. https://open.spotify.com/track/5CQ30WqJwcep0pYcV4AMNc?si=ea412b5b937640cf
06. https://open.spotify.com/track/1YBf7Tq9bpcVwvnlP8YbQS?si=da2972dd2dd44dc3
07. https://open.spotify.com/track/6c1FywF0LIDP38XqhjV1Tn?si=f6909fa1b7924c9b
08. https://open.spotify.com/track/7LXnxcpfWPUk5WJHldDutx?si=2aea783fa264490c
09. https://open.spotify.com/track/6Nm8h73ycDG2saCnZV8poF?si=589bc7c1067a4e28
10. https://open.spotify.com/track/2C3B3dva983HPMojFqWLOp?si=53cd097e86734191
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