NEW STREAMING SCHEDULE
All times mountain time
No stream schedule any day any time
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(My younger self would be proud of me)

Once I thought life was so cruel to me to be born then to just die. Having no one by my side, die alone. Only wondering if love was ever real? I wasn't the best looking guy but I still tried they say you miss hundred percent of the shots you don't take and man I took a lot of shots sadly, All of them were misses. I always felt alone no one there to hold me, or build me up for 23 years I went through suicide thoughts for so long. I even attempted it.

In 2023 one night I was weighing pros and cons should I do it or not. I met someone that change my mind. She was so sweet, so kind, so loving. I thought about her never sexual more like I wanted to be there for her, In her life lift her up even on her darkest of days and make sure she was happy. Help her to get to her dream. Her name was Peach she was sweet as the fruit. Though the months of the end of the year November, December during holidays I never wanted her to be alone but she wasn't. We didn't start talking a lot like everyday until February 5th that was her birthday. So she had a online present so I read about her more then she knew I knew. Her backstory how her birthdays were not the greatest how this and that a lot of things. But once we started talking I did ask her out she did have someone in the end he cheated (I still wonder why) but she seemed interested I still don't know if she was or if she just felt bad. I don't know if I ever want the answer to that. It would hurt me more then ever if she just felt bad for me. Well in the end I asked the question again when she was not with anyone and she saw me just as a friend. When you hear that, that just kills you on the inside so many hours spent so many convos and if she ever reads this sorry for all the shi tty convos just wish we could of talk voice to voice instead of texting. If you do see this THANKS FOR BEING THE LIGHT IN THE DARK THAT I NEEDED. In the end I was bettering myself for her happy for her talking laughing with her I will forever miss her. First girl to show me something that I could only dream of. So she just saw me as a friend I put my boundaries up and said I can see as a friend if that is what you want if so cool. In the end she left my life without a sound, trace, or even a goodbye, JUST GONE.

That is what sparked my life I vowed I would never waste a second, never take my life for granted and push and push and push. I want what me and peach had the laughter, the bonding, the everything. But doing this journey of healing I realize I never had a life that I wanted to live so I took what energy what sadness I had and did stuff like buying my ninja 500 that I love something to get me that freedom again to get me living. At the same time lost the weight that I started at 275 and now 205. I realize my group of friends that where and still are by my side for 10+ years they were there never left my side I can thank peach for that making me see this my final note to you peach. THANK YOU FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE I WILL NEVER EVER REGRET A MOMENT WITH YOU AND SERIOUSLY THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND IF WE EVER MEET AGAIN HOPEFULLY IT IS ON GOOD TERMS.

So 2024 was a big year after she left got the bike and lost the weight. Started to go out and do new experiences first went to my first concert ever Fallen in reverse great first concert ever. Started enjoying the littlest things in life enjoy gaming more then ever stop over thinking just enjoying. Taking pictures posting them so everyone can see editing, streaming and finding new crushes I guess. But been streaming after so many years final hit 50 followers. Going to get my first ever tattoo soon then just keep going. It sucks that we are in December want to post bike content and meet some more people in that community but got to wait I guess that's for 2025 can not wait and hopefully maybe one of the girls I'm crushing on says yes that would just make my fu cking year.