HUH?!

Hello aesthetically pleasing Emily,

I would like to say that I would walk across the entire Sahara desert with my ballsack duct taped to my left leg, with only the Brazilian soccer teams post-game sweat as my water supply and nothing to eat but chef boyardee mini ravioli(and I h8 mini ravioli) just to prove my value to you. Please be my instagram girlfriend again, I promise not to look at ♥♥♥♥ pics anymore.

Sincerely,
Olivia Munn FanClub Member #001

I was in my safe space when I read your response

This offends me as a vegan transgender atheist who vapes and crossfits 4 times a week and im also a male feminist as I identify myself as a pastafarian apache helicopter. You're an ignorant arrogant globaphobic sexist lesbian.

Someone get this ildist dude some bleach to drink

the truth is that i have a crush on you and i just feel like i don't have a right to do so since i don't even know you properly i mean i have no idea about your favourite food or your favourite animal and it just makes me so sad i mean it's really weird to have a crush on person who is almost completely stranger to me but hah i guess that that is the world of adults since people met at bars and online and stuff but i guess that when you meet someone online on some crappy dating site you at least know something idk idk im sorry i'm weird and ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up and a mess and i really apologize for being creepy i never wanted to act like that and it really makes me sad since now you must think that i'm a creep or something well i am a creep but i don't want to be a creep but yeah im too weak so i can't really change myself and yeah okay bye