I've always loved listening to music. And one day I'll make my own music. That's a dream I have and I'm determined to make it happen. Alternatively, I'd like to write the storyline that could be used for a tv-show or a video game at some point.

Now, due to my troubling past which I have explained in depth below on this very info box, I've developed a taste in music that's kinda reflective of my state of mind. This means that I mostly listen to rock, heavy metal or experimental synth music. Here's a few songs that stand out:

Go For Howell ft. Red Vision - Delicate People
The Fray - How To Save A Life
Bon Jovi - It's My Life
Frank Turner - Perfect Score
Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
Nightwish - Wish I Had An Angel




Monthly Philosophy Think-Tank Session - April 2022: TBA

Under construction!




Interlude

It's impossible for me to wrap my head around the question of what's right and what's wrong in life. For the most part it's trial and error until you find something that sticks. Whether you believe in fate or not, you can't deny that certain things feel almost orchestrated at times. Those are usually the times when something extremely good happens, or something extremely bad. Now, what does it mean when you get too much of the bad and not a lot of good in life? Does it boil down to bad luck? Making the wrong decisions? Ignoring the obvious? I can't answer because I truly don't know. What I do know, is that I'm affected by all these things, sometimes even simultaneously, leading to an even bigger sh*tshow in my life. If you're interested in my biography, continue reading...

Act I - Understanding the situation

I constantly feel like I have drawn the shortest straw in every situation that I have found myself in throughout my life. As if I made the wrong decision, but it was somehow the only option available at the time. In hindsight I can clearly see that I put my own needs on the sideline. I gave in to the pressure, and let it stop me from becoming who I should've been at this point in my life. I can't undo what I have done, but I can try to repair the damages that I have caused to myself.

I'll be very honest with 'ya: I've made some pretty big mistakes in my life, and I'm facing the consequences of my actions at this very moment. I was young, foolish and afraid. Couldn't face my own demons. Now I gotta go through hell and back just to mend some of the issues. Please, don't be like me. If something's bothering you, talk with someone about it. It really does make a difference!

I had a rough time growing up. Don't misunderstand me, it had nothing to do with my family. Rather, it was the school that inflicted a lot of judgement and lies onto me. They made everyone believe I was different from who I actually was. I have no idea why they did this. But what I do know, is that it caused me to develop social anxiety. Especially around kids my age. It took me years to improve this aspect of my life. And I'm still struggling to engage in social activities to this very day. What I'm left with is the empty feeling of loss. My teen years were mostly wasted and I'll never get this stolen time back.

It was about this time I started developing a video gaming addiction. I used it as a sort of drug to escape my ongoing mental health issues. I played and played for hours on end, staying up several nights. While it was a bad idea, it gave me a lot of happiness that I couldn't find elsewhere. I also became friends with 2 different individuals, one of which is my best friend today (Iguanino141) and the other a very good friend of mine (Sackson).

The defining moment in my life that brought me back onto the right path was when I moved and became part of a different school and class, comprised of entirely new individuals. It gave me the chance to start with a blank sleight. It was essentially like getting a second chance. And I made sure to make every second count. It was an uphill battle but it toughened me and I developed the necessary skills for the next chapter of my life to be a resounding success:

Soon enough, I started going to High School. I had a very specific career path in mind, and I intended to stick with it. Things were going smooth. The teachers recognized me as a smart kid, my class mates seemed to enjoy my presence, and my grades excelled all expectations. It made up for all the hardships that I've previously faced, and I felt like I finally found my purpose in life. My existence actually meant something for a change. It's still the best few years of my life and looking back at it, I miss it dearly...

Then it all collapsed. Everything that I worked very hard to build up: my social skills, my grades, my purpose in life... was quickly taken away from me. Without a warning, covid-19 entered my life like a wrecking ball, destroying the very walls that I had created around me. I intended to become an apprentice, before studying engineering. But covid-19 caused a lot of businesses to lay off employees and this in turn forced them to decide not to grant me an apprenticeship. I still haven't received one, and I've made the decision to continue studying after the summer holiday in 2022 because I've wasted so much time waiting for something that'll never happen.

That's where I am at the moment. My life has been like a roller coaster. The only way for me to possibly spin this in a positive way, is for me to acknowledge the fact that I have learnt a lot from my experiences. I'm proud of what I have accomplished so far. But I'm also aware of the fact that I let my situation get the best of me. It brought me to my knees. Everything I worked for, was taken away from me in an instant. And I took it hard. It was like being delivered a devastating blow in a heavy weight match. The knockout. And I'll do my very best to get up on my feet and do as Rocky says in this clip: Rocky Balboa (2006) Motivational Speech

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't always sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will BEAT YOU TO YOUR KNEES and keep you there permanently if you let it! You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and KEEP MOVING FORWARD. HOW MUCH YOU CAN TAKE AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD! THAT'S HOW WINNING IS DONE! Now if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits! And not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of "him" or "her" or anybody! Cowards do that and THAT AIN'T YOU! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT!"


But let's focus on what's next: I'm on the road to recovery. And I'll make sure to update this whenever something happens.


Act II - Changing the course, by whatever means necessary