Recent reviews by ForeignPigeonHD

is good

If you're looking for a short yes/no with pros and cons, skip to the end before it's too late.

>Be me, lover of ironically bad games. Has given more copies of bad rats, ironically, than actual games owned
>Friend told me he would buy me this game, but he couldn't bring himself to do it
>He says he couldn't bring me to such cancer
>I scoffed, I can handle cancer
>Goes to store page
>Checks screenshots, looks ironic enough
>Scoffs at reviews in disbelief
>Checks pricetag, "85c," sure
>>>Downloads 2gbs
>The perfect cancer title: cheaper than bad rats and live action
>I launch the game
>Off to a good start, menu screen had pastel drawings of North Korea
>Accidentally loads a save
>I am greeted by a towering room, octogonal, minigames on every side
>Somehow I accidentally walk to the story mode
>YES, my first cutscene
>A French Canadian graces my presence
>4 minutes of cringeful watching later
>I spawn into a flat world with Source level textures and scattered "AI"
>At my feet: a bow, rpg, shotgun, and pistol with their respective ammo
>I picked them up and began towards the "fortress" I was told of in the cutscene
>I take shots from every "AI," and take no damage but receive damage indicators
>I reach the front door and fade to black
>Another 10 miunte cutscene of a French Canadian attempting to cllimb a brick schoolhouse
>He reaches the top--a cylindrical concrete barricade
>I teleport into the world after incohesive swears from the French Canadian
>I am greeted with a rooftop with RPG ammo
>Kim Jong Un and his lackies are in front of me
>I fire two warheads and defeat him
>Another cutscene
>20 minutes of a dramatic killing + a bonus revival of the protagonist (the French Canadian)
>Credits roll
>I thought it was finally over
>BLOOPERS REEL (longer than the actual game)
>I was unable to ALT + F4 or tab out
>The escape function was removed
>Now I am here
>>Checks time, has been writing a review for longer than the actual gameplay
>All 18 minutes of gameplay, it's over


I use to dream of heros,
Firefighters
Policemen
Lifeguards
My weird uncle

However, I never dreamed of joining their ranks.
Today my dream came true
I realized my life's potential
Just as they were my heroes,
I have come here today to be yours

Just remember, not all heroes wear capes.


Now
for the unifying moral of my review:

If you came here for ironic purposes, leave.