Recent reviews by DzejPi

I can definitely understand mixed reviews for this game. Too bad we don’t have any "Meh" button and we only have Yes or No buttons, because I will have to go with No. I can’t recommend this game, because it was simply making me angry most of the time and because there are too many weird game design decisions that don’t work with me. Just to be clear - I will be talking about singleplayer as I don’t play multiplayer in CoD games. If you are looking for multiplayer review, then, you are in the wrong place, my friend.

Let’s start with good things - I would say that when it comes to graphics, this game looks pretty great! At least for CoD. I also liked the story - it was pretty interesting one with plenty of interesting and likeable characters and with surprisingly small amount of cliché. There are few pretty heavy and deep parts of the story which I liked. But unlike previous CoD games that were set in WWII, this one only takes place on Western front, in France. You will not see more fronts like you are used to from previous games. I also enjoyed the crew abilities. It was nice to interact with my fellow soldiers, it made me feel closer to them and I cared about them more. Also, it’s pretty polished apart from few tiny animation bugs.

When it comes to bad things, then I have to start with some really weird immersion breaking things that simply don’t make any sense. Like German soldiers on Western front in France who... drop guns like PPSh-41 and SVT-40. What the hell? Those are Russian weapons! Why do Germans in France fight with Russian weapons? Also, sometimes your enemies drop Type 100 as well, which is Japanese submachine gun. I wonder how did those get into France. Like... that doesn’t make any sense, dawg. I know talking about CoD and realism is like bringing a wood into a forest, but you should try to be consistent in at least basic things and this is simply out of place in unforgivable way.

Also, for some reason, CoD: WWII decided to ditch mechanics introduced in CoD: 2 - autohealing - and go back with health bar and first aid kits. You can argue that autohealing is not very realistic. Well, I would say running around on battlefield, collecting first aid kits from the ground and using them on yourself all the time is not very realistic either. You also have to use them manually, which is making this even more annoying. Combine that with enemies that often don’t feel like enemies, but like hitscan aimbots instead, mix all of this together, put it in the oven on 200°C, bake it for 6 hours and you will end up with a lot of frustration and swear words aimed at the guy responsible for these decisions. You can make a counterargument that I should "git gud ♥♥♥," but I still felt that I was dying significantly more often than I should and in pretty stupid ways.

Another thing I want to talk about are stealth segments. Why are there so many of them? When I play Call of Duty, I expect B movie type of intense action, not sneaking around. If I wanted to play stealth game, I would play Thief instead. Thankfully, most of the stealth segments are skippable and you can go full Rambo immediately, but there are some stealth segments that you can’t skip and have to suffer through. It wouldn’t be so bad if there was a better stealth system, but enemies see you very quickly, you can’t drag away bodies, so it’s just a matter of time before someone discovers them and once one enemy is alerted, you are completely screwed even if there is nobody else around and you kill them immediately before they start shouting or shooting at you.

All in all, this is alright game, but nothing more. I would say 12€ (as currently in Humble Monthly) is alright for this game, but if I paid 60€, I would definitely deeply think about my life choices and where am I going with my life in general.

Boy, what an experience this was! Absolutely beautiful mess of a game. When you start the game, you are greeted by a story with plenty of typos and broken English that looks like it was translated from some different language using Google Translate. Basically, you are the scientist who made the worst mistake in the history of the mankind when you screwed with time machine somehow... I think. And somehow this turned you into Viking and aliens appeared and... what?

Anyway, is it your duty to save the world. Well, unfortunately, in this game, saving the world means holding W and right mouse button for more than an hour. I mean you can also "fight", but I haven't noticed that the enemies would react to you in any way. Also if you get too close to them, they disappear and your health drops by 10 health points implying they hit you.

Enemies are usually stationary and motionless, but they rotate around and hover all over the place, sometimes so fast, you can't even react. They also bug through the floor, fly through the objects and another nice things. There are plenty of enemies, like skeletons, aliens, mummies and... I think that's it, really.

Optimalization lacks a little. For example, the mission in Russia really showed me that I need to upgrade my computer, because with i5-4460 and GTX 960, I had 7 FPS when I looked up. This game is more demanding than Battlefield 1 which was running smoothly and was pretty great, actually, and you should play it. Anyway, back to The Last Hope - I found out that the workaround for this issue is looking into the ground, then you get 60 FPS.

The game consists of few maps which are usually super long and linear. You just ignore the enemies and run and run and run. And collect food, drinks and first aid kits, because there are health, food and thirst bars. And Viking can't possibly exist for more than five minutes without literally starving to death. Hopefully, when your food and thirst are at 0, your health goes down pretty slowly.

Sometimes the terrain looks like it's made of a weird plastic glass. It reminded me of plastic icicles we put on our Christmas tree on Christmas. When you look through them, they look totally the same and I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole time I was playing the game. And they have a very plastic, toxic smell. I love those icicles, but that terrain looks really weird.

When you get to the end of the map, it usually ends with you throwing something into the "portal" and going into the next map. And by throwing something into the "portal" I mean, for example, throwing a gigantic lemon on the road. Literally.

Anyway, words do no justice to express how it feels to play this game. It's hard to imagine how this mess is working together. So let me give you an example from the Germany map, which I will not forget. Ever. So, basically, you are running through some city and listening to some German accordion music that would be great at some beer festival. There are motionless skeletons flying all over the place. There is a fog, cutting your FPS to 24 and you are collecting food, drinks and first aid kits while trying to dodge skeletons on cocaine. Absolutely amazing. Another thing I will remember is an adorable bug in Egypt. When you run, your sword slowly moves away from you. After few minutes of running, it's levitating in the air meters away from you.

The story is kinda weird and all over the place, but I gotta say, the developer has a good imagination. I definitely wouldn't come up with something like this. The story even includes driving section, which was kinda refreshing after holding W for 40 minutes. The story conclusion definitely made me smile. I am the president now!

In the end, I had a blast playing this game and I can't wait for The Last Hope 2, but well, you can definitely see why I write a negative review. However, if you have a thing for hilariously broken games like me, then you will have fun. And the developer is some teenager from Moldova. So that's a pretty good job for a teenager, actually. But in the end, I think we can all agree that this should not be on Steam.

Killing Floor 2, I spent so much time with you and I feel it's time to finally write a review about you! First of all, I gotta salute the developers, because this game is one of the few games that did the Early Access right. In Early Access, this game was more polished than most of the AAA games nowadays. Even in the most early versions, this game was incredibly solid, well made and I don't remember any game breaking bugs. KF2 left the Early Access in 2016.

I guess you already know what this game is about. But if you don't, then KF2 is a cooperative wave based shooter. Tons of enemies run at you, you (ideally) kill all of them, then you buy some ammo, some new guns and repeat. And if you get through all enemy waves, you fight with the final boss. To make things more interesting, you have plenty of classes you can choose from. There is also a leveling system which caps at 25 levels. Every 5 levels, you can pick between two bonuses. Every class has different bonuses. They can range from autohealing, faster reloading, increased damage with certain gun types to big advantages like moving with normal speed when the game is in slow motion. There are plenty of bonuses and they make every class interesting.

In regards to enemies, they are mutants and all of them from the first game are in this game too. And plenty of new ones too! When KF2 was released, it featured all of the enemies from the first game, plus Slasher and Cyst - which were basically just a cannon fodder. Original enemies didn't change much, with the exception of the Scrake. I gotta say, I kinda liked the original Scrake better. Anyway, over time, KF2 got plenty of new enemies. Some of them are pretty good, some of them not so much - like Gorefiend, which I hate with passion. Enemies scale with difficulty levels. But they scale in the smart way. They don't just become bullet sponges, but they are faster, more aggressive and they use more attacks. For example, on normal and hard difficulties, Husk doesn't use the flamethrower. And the bigger the difficulty is, the bigger change there is that he will use the suicide attack. Also, nowadays, this game has four different bosses, which is nice, because in 2015, it had only one.

Shooting is simply amazing. If I remember correctly, gun animations were made with motion capture and those weapons were operated by real professionals. Very interesting is the fact that when you use the bonus that makes you reload guns faster, the game doesn't simply make the reloading animation faster, but it gives you a completely different animation and you reload like a pro. And realistically. All guns have a good weight to them and they shoot bullets that you can see and which also actually ricochet off the hard surfaces. And that is for every single shot you make. You really have the feel that you are shooting real projectiles, especially because they take a split second to land. It's just a split second, but it makes such a difference from instant shots you usually see in other games. Amazing. The especially satisfying moment (at least for me) is when you see your bullets ricocheting off the metal parts of the enemies. Really amazing stuff.

Big thing in KF2 is its M.E.A.T. (Massive Evisceration and Trauma) system. First thing - enemies were motion captured by real humans. Thanks to that, they move very realistically. But more importantly, enemies have around 19 points on their bodies that you can dismember. Every enemy also has plenty of death animations, which mix with ragdoll physics which also count the direction where you're shooting from and the power of the bullets you shoot, which basically makes every death animation unique in its own way. Another interesting thing is that blood splatters on the map don't disappear. In most of the games, blood splatters disappear after some time. Not here. But it doesn't mean you will end up with the map full of hunders of blood textures that slow your computer down. Developers did a clever trick - they painted the whole map covered with blood already, then they put normal textures over the blood textures. So when you shoot the enemy, the game simply "erases" the normal texture, uncovering the blood texture that is hidden under. That means the blood splatters won't disapper, but it also won't make the game harder for your computer to run.

In 2015, KF2 got microtransactions. Funnily, it was soon after Payday 2 got them, which felt like a very bad timing, since in Payday 2, microtransactions were hilariously badly received. However, it was different here since first, developers didn't promise that they were not going to be in the game and second, they made them completely optional. I don't think they are bad, really. All of the stuff is purely cosmetic and doesn't give you any advantage. Also, I think it's better choice than DLCs in the first game - which were cosmetics and character packs anyway. In this regard, it's not really different, because you can buy only gun skins and stuff that your character can wear. And I will tell you a secret - cheapest gun skins in a very bad condition suit the game pretty well. They give it a better feel - I always imagine that characters just took some rusty old guns from the basement, because they had no other choice. Better than shiny guns. And well, if you don't want to take part in skins and wearables, then just sell all of the stuff the game drops for you every day when you play - you will make money!

What I cannot praise is the music. Some of my friends liked it, but I think that it's simply not as good as in the first one. The soundtrack in the first game was created by zYnthetic and I think it suited the game better. The music in the first game was using some super heavy guitars, but it was not a metal music - those guitars were mixed with glitchy dark synths and heavy electronic percussion, which in the end made very "toxic" electronic music, which suited the game perfectly. It was hectic, heavy, dirty and toxic - perfect for shooting mutants. There are few tracks in KF2 made by zYnthetic, but most of the music is made by some metal bands I don't remember. Surprisingly, two of them, with edgy names "Living Sacrifice" and "Demon Hunter" are Christian metal bands. I mean, nothing against them, but I think it is a very weird choice for such a game. Anyway, I am not here to judge that, but to judge music. And unfortunately, I think the music is incredibly bland and super generic. To me, most of those songs sound the same and are the definition of generic. I don't like them. Thankfully, on the forums, you can find the old music and you can simply replace your music files in the game folder with it.

There are also few things I liked better in the original KF. First was the dirty atmosphere. KF2 is simply too "clean", shiny and tidy. It would need a little bit of impurity to make it feel more apocalyptic. Also, I kinda liked the tactics where the team took one place on the map where the enemies were coming from one direction and the team was defending that place from super heavy attack. It made for some very intense fighting. No such thing in KF2. All maps are created in such a way that you get attacked from all directions, forcing you to move or at least spread your team wide. I kinda miss "camping" from the first game.

In the first paragraph I was writing about Early Access. Maybe you assumed that since KF2 is out of Early Access, it's not updated anymore. Wrong! This game is constantly updated by developers, which is great. Once in few months, we get new maps, weapons, enemies and other nice stuff. And all of it is free for all players!

To conclude my long review, I really love KF2 and I recommend it if you have somebody to play it with. I mean, just look at how many hours I spent playing it, I think that tells you everything you need to know.

Did you play LIMBO? If you did, then you probably know what you can expect from INSIDE. The beginning of the game feels very similar to LIMBO. However, you will soon start noticing the differences. And they are big. Unlike LIMBO, INSIDE takes you to the 3D world... well, 2.5D to be exact. You are moving horizontally, but the whole world is in 3D. The atmosphere of this game is absolutely incredible. It's very grim and tense. The art-style is absolutely amazing and the whole game feels super smooth and polished. Animations are very smooth and well made. Everything feels alive. And I can definitely say this game is technically well made and nothing about it was rushed - I have not encouncered one single bug during my gameplay.

Similarly to LIMBO, the game is made of a lot of puzzles you need to solve in order to be able to continue. Some of them are very clever. However, I would say most of them are fairly easy. You probably won't get stuck in any part of the game - which is good. The whole game (not including 100% achievements) should take you around 3 hours. It took me longer, because I was drinking heavy liquor while playing it.

The music is absolutely amazing. It always follows the atmosphere, it can make it tense, but it also can transquilize it. I also heard that menu music was made using actual human skull. So that's pretty cool too, huh?

Anyway, I can definitely recommend this game. If you like platformers and loved LIMBO, then you can't go wrong with INSIDE!

Take Two Interactive sent a cease and desist to the developers of OpenIV, a tool which was created for modding GTA games. This tool was specifically designed to be used only for singleplayer part of the game, not the online part of it. This is completely unacceptable. Shame on you!

Rituals is very lovely little game that really surprised me. If you like point & click games, I can definitely recommend this game to you, but I think it can be enjoyable even for people who are not very big fans of point & click games - like myself. So, let's talk about few things.

Let's start by movement, which is slightly unusual. While the whole game is in 3D, you don't actually move by WSAD keys like you would probably expect. You are moving by clicking on white direction arrows instead. So, you could say the game is on "rails", kind of. This whole moving system looked weird from videos and screens, but it's actually a really nice idea once you get used to it.

What about puzzles? Well, there are some puzzles in almost every level, but don't expect anything that will really challenge you, because all puzzles are pretty simple and straightforward. Which is nice, if you want a game where you won't get stuck. But if you're looking for something challenging, this is probably not the right game for you.

The whole game uses very lovely low-poly graphic style, which is obvious from screenshots. I'm sucker for low-poly, so I absolutely loved it. There is just something very adorable about it. The whole low-poly style is very well executed and colors were picked really well. It's very simple, but it works!

Story is mostly told by gameplay and it's up to you to figure it out. There are some hidden notes expanding the story, but most of it is up to you and your imagination. If I had to describe it without any spoilers, I would probably say that you will find out WHAT happened, but it's up to you to figure out HOW it happened. I would also say that there are some major themes going on, especially environmentalism and existential crisis. Sounds good to you? It is!

What else is there to say? Don't expect some huge soundtrack, because the game uses only minimal sounds and music while you're playing. It's also pretty short game overall. If you play without any guides, you will probably take hour - hour and half to beat it. But if you wanted to finish it as quickly as possible, it would probably take 10 - 15 minutes. It's pretty short. Achivement hunters will be pleased, though, because achievements are very easy to get and it shouldn't take more than 2 hours to 100% this game, if you're playing legit. If you're not, then it will take significantly shorter time.

Overall, I really liked this game, its theme, its atmosphere and its graphic style. I'm not very big fan of point and click games, but I really enjoyed this one. It's very simple, short and maybe even relaxing. If that sounds good to you, then you should definitely get it, you won't regret it!

Before you start reading this review - perhaps some of your friends told you to check this game out and they also told you to just jump into it without reading anything about it. And I would agree with them 100%. I jumped into it without really knowing anything about it and I think it made my experience much, much better! I would recommend not reading reviews and just dive into it. However, if you still want some spoiler free review, then you can of course keep reading!

First of all, let me tell you - I don't like RPG games that much, so I wasn't sure if I would like this game, because it looked like some classic RPG. But don't be fooled, it's far from that. There are some RPG elements, yes, but fighting is very unique combination of time precision strikes and bullet hell elements, but it's not as brutal as Touhou and bullet hell segments last only few seconds. I really liked it though, it felt very unique and every enemy attacks very differently, so it's not going to get old even after hours of playing. The whole fighting system is also designed in such a way, that no grinding is necessary in order to be able to progress. Talking about fighting... believe it or not, you don't actually have to kill one single enemy in this game! You can choose if you want to fight them and kill them or if you want to perhaps talk them out of it and reach the mutual understanding.

The whole game is extremely well written. The story is mostly focused on humor and it's very good type of humor - very few games manage to make me actually laugh out loud IRL, but Undertale was able to! It's not all humor though, the story has some very serious parts as well, especially towards the end. You will meet many different characters through the story - all of them are easily distinguishable, very well written with their own personality and they are all very unique in their own ways. There are also some maymays and internet references, but they are well hidden, so you really have to be a pretty good mememaster to notice them!

Game visuals received some mixed reactions, especially by media outlets. The visual style is good old pixel art, which felt very nostalgic for me for some reason, it reminded me of some older game I played when I was kid. Visuals are very simple, but they work and I personally think the artstyle fits the game and enemies extremely well. I also really loved the animation of enemies during the fight, they felt very alive. Overall, I really liked visuals. But if there is one thing I would really like, it would be 16:9 support, but it's not really a problem. I can understand the use of 4:3, especially to emulate the oldschool feel, and I don't have anything against it, but I don't think 16:9 would hurt old school feel at all.

What about the music? Oh man, the music! The whole game is filled with excellent music and there are tracks that will get stuck in your head for hours. The music fits the game and characters extremely well. It's mostly good old 8-bit music you perhaps knows from old consoles, but few tracks mix modern elements as well. There were like two tracks that slightly reminded me of Touhou, which really made me excited when they started playing!

So what is the conclusion? I absolutely recommend this game, it's already cult classic and it definitely deserves overwhelmingly positive reviews it got. It's extremely well crafted game with great gameplay, story, music, artstyle, unbelievable creativity and amazing humor. You can just feel that the developer really poured his heart into it, it's crafted with love. Get it right now, it's unbelievably worth it even for full price.

Just... just stay away from fandom, alright?

Oh Payday 2, how much I loved you. You are the perfect example of the quote: “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” I rarely pre-purchase any games, but I gladly pre-purchased Career Criminal Edition and to be clear - I don't regret it at all. It was great game at the beginning. True to its core, it had better game mechanics than the first game, absolutely amazing soundtrack, and very fun gameplay. Sure, it had problems and it was far from perfect, but it was highly playable and so much fun.

Then it started with Armored Transport DLC. I got it for free, because I had Career Criminal Edition, so it seemed alright. Then it was followed by Gage Weapon Pack #01. Paying 5€ for few guns and grenades that should probably be available for everybody? I waited for sale because it didn’t seem worth it to me even back in 2013. Then we got Merry Payday Christmas Soundtrack DLC which was absolutely fantastic. Extremely cheap Payday 2 Christmas carols sang by old Hoxton. And then the hell began with insane flood of 5€ DLC weapon packs, 5€ character packs and 7€ heists. I’m warning you, the huge rant incoming!

I have to say that I surely don't have any problem with more content; I understand that it’s keeping the game alive and I don't have the problem with paying for it. However, DLCs are rarely worth the full price. Look, it's nice you're supporting developers, but we are not charity, we are customers and I'm not paying 5€ for few weapons and masks when I can get the whole games in sale for the same price. Actually, I bought Vanishing of Ethan Carter for less than 5€ the day when Gage Chivalry Pack was released. Can you seriously tell me with straight face that Gage Chivalry Pack is offering me the same level of quality like Vanishing of Ethan Carter? Anyway, I said few weapons - weapon packs also usually include materials and patterns, but let’s be honest here – nobody cares about them and it’s there just to make it look like you’re getting more stuff.

At the current state, the game has 27 paid DLCs. If your eyes skipped the number, I will say it again: TWENTY SEVEN PAID DLCS! Before some genius will come here to defend Overkill with the argument that Borderlands 2 or Saints Row games have more DLCs, so they can’t see the problem, then, my friends, first of all, those games have Season Passes which is something that Payday 2 doesn’t have, second – most of the DLCs in Borderlands 2 are purely cosmetic on the same level like mask patterns in Payday 2, third – and my favorite - at the time of writing this review, both Saints Rows 3 and 4 have less DLCs than Payday 2. Actually, at the time of writing this, you can buy Saints Row IV: Game of the Century Edition (including all DLCs) for 5,99€. Can you see the difference?

To be honest, we got some free updates as well - usually maps or some significant game updates. And you know what? They were usually very cool. And free heists like Hoxton Breakout are absolutely brilliant!

Let’s talk about more problems, like developer’s approach. 2014 was memorable for Crimefest which was pretty cool, but some awards from it took more than over a year to get which is ludicrous. To give you some example - let’s talk about the new enemy. Overkill claimed that the enemy was taking a lot of time because he had complicated voice acting. In the meantime they managed to release: Gage Historical Pack, Clover Character Pack, The Bomb Heists, Dragan Character Pack, The OVERKILL Pack, The Completely OVERKILL Pack (we will talk about it later), The Butcher’s AK/CAR Mod Pack, The Butcher’s BBQ Pack, The Butcher’s Western Pack, The OVERKILL B-Sides Soundtrack, The Alesso Heist, The Golden Grin Casino Heist, Sokol Character Pack, Gage Ninja Pack, Yakuza Character Pack and Gage Chivalry Pack. Obviously, the voice acting was the huge problem. Btw check this - http://payday.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_Winters/Quotes . Does this really take a year?

Continue time. Their PR is absolute mess. Perfect example is hilarious fiasco with Disappointment Bat when Overkill teased the community for 35 days to give it the bat and the announcement of their new game. Another pure insanity was Hype Train, which was something like Crimefest, but instead of being fueled by number of the people in the group, it was fueled by the people buying DLCs. See the problem here? It also introduced OVERKILL Pack DLC and Completely OVERKILL Pack DLC which was for 20€ and included 4 masks. You read right. 20€ FOR 4 MASKS. Oh and one surprise bonus that nobody still knows anything about! Before you defend Overkill that Completely OVERKILL Pack was meant to be the support DLC and to be a donation - do you really think that studio that acquired the Valhalla engine for 8,6 million dollars needs to beg for money like that implying that the game and 16 (back then) DLCs were not enough to fund their studio? Anyway, the Hype Train also included rushed Infamy Update which didn’t bring anything new, because it just changed the number of infamies from 5 to 25 while not giving any bonuses except for more XP bonuses so you can level up quicker. It was obviously rushed because community was very angry with Hype Train and it was meant to make Overkill look like it listens to the community feedback. After this horrible update, Overkill said that it listened to the community again and it would eventually remake the new infamy. That was few months ago and nothing really happened since then, so we can just forget that. Like the ability to upgrade the safe house. I know it’s just the running joke now, but they promised it in 2013. It’s 2015 and it’s still not here. They said it was coming in 2016, so I can't wait to see how 3 years of developing of safehouse upgrading will look like.

I think that Overkill is just pushing and pushing and pushing to see what they can get away with. Year 2015 was just a mess of new characters who have no connection to the Payday universe and nobody really cares about combined with lazy or ridiculous gun packs that don’t fit the game at all, which is of course subjective, but I don’t think that (for example) swords really fit with the modern heisting game, unless of course you’re the part of LOL SU RANDUM crowd that will buy 5€ DLC, make a le funi 69/420 review and never touch it again. DLCs went so far I just refused to buy anything new from Overkill this year. By the way, I think that Gage Chivalry Pack took the biggest piss this year with reskins and weapons clearly out of place, with visual bugs in trailer and by being paid (of course) while other games like Killing Floor 2 who collaborated with Chivalry offered Chivalry stuff for free. Only Payday 2 NEEDED paid Chivalry stuff, because Overkill is the small indie company and they have to survive somehow, am I not right?

You see, no matter how poor content is, Overkill is always hiding behind the excuse that they are the small indie company. Even if true, it doesn’t make it okay for them to release lazy, piss poor content.

So anyway, we waited for another Crimefest. I thought: “Well, it should be alright, it’s not like they can do anything more ludicrous than Hype Train, right? That would be quite a feat!” and... they pulled it off. The second Crimefest managed to bring microtransactions into the game on its first day. Yes, you have the game you pay for with 27 paid DLCs with microtransactions. It’s like CS:GO, but you have safes instead of crates and drills instead of keys. Oh and by the way, drill will cost you 2,19€. If you open the safe with your drill, you get some skin that will change your weapon stats, so it’s not actually like CS:GO at all, because skins in CS:GO are just cosmetic unlike here. Oh and weapon skins look like some 12 years old made them.

So you probably know what I'm suggesting to you - don't bother with buying this game. Not worth it anymore.

A Bird Story is a game from the creator of To The Moon. So, what could go wrong? I will tell you what. Nothing. This game is another masterpiece I absolutely enjoyed and loved. The story is about a little kid and injured bird he saved. This story uses no dialogs and not even one single word and it still tells more than most of the games. I will not spoil the story for you, but I can tell you about other aspects of this game.
It's made in RPG Maker, so it's using very pixelated graphics and it can even look like some jRPG from screens, but that's not the case, don't worry. I have to say the art of this game is absolutely magnificent. I was thinking a little while playing this game and you know what? I don't think any other art style could tell story such as this one. Creator of the art is the Artist (with big A). Another thing is animation. It's extremely clever and smooth, sometimes I couldn't even believe how well the animations were used, really. You are walking in the forest and suddenly, you are in your living room and it even makes sense! Graphic side of this game is top notch. What else does the story need? Oh right! The music. The music is absolutely amazing and fits very well with the story. Most of it is piano music, but don't worry, it's not pretentious and you won't cry. A lot.
About the gameplay - keep in mind that this is very linear game with a lot of cutscenes and it's not the longest, the playtime is around 1 hour, so keep that in mind, please. Story itself is great, I didn't except it to be that great, especially after To The Moon, because that was masterpiece, but I was very pleasantly surprised. I mean, it's not as good as To The Moon, it didn't bring me to tears, but it still made me feel. I was very satisfied with the ending. So I absolutely recommend it. Go buy it, it's cheap!

Oh su funi and random eks di eks di. Okay, the fun's over. Absolute rock bottom. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind stupid ways to have fun. I even found Goat Simulator (at least slightly) amusing, because - say what you want about it, but it clearly included some work being done, the city was filled with easter eggs, stuff to do, there were achievements, workshop support, etc. The developer is claiming that this is not trying to be Goat Simulator, but I'm absolutely sure this piece of software tried to go the same way while completely missing the point, offering no fun, basically no gameplay and failing at being funny.

The developer of this piece software completely misuderstood the point of Goat Simulator and thought that [insert random word here] Simulators are funny, because they are poorly made and you can't do anything there. Also making this type of "simulator" now is not even beating a dead horse, because the horse has been dead for half of the year, it's basically beating a horse skeleton now. I guess that developer decided to download Unity 3D and tried to put something together in it. Nothing against him, but you can clearly see he has absolutely no idea what he is doing. The menu is barely working, "Exit Game" button in the main menu doesn't work at all, other buttons in some game mods are bugged as well. Anyway let's get to the point. The game has four game mods. So let's do this, shall we?

Classic
First mode is called Classic. The first thing you will notice is a mouse cursor visible while playing, but it goes away when you click the mouse button. Second thing you will notice is absolutely insane performance. I have about 10-15 FPS on this small map on the fastest settings. On a small map with some grass and few ridiculously small cows randomly placed there. I would seriously like to know the reason of it being more hardware demanding than Crysis. I have two theories. First is that the physics (this is using PhysX, or at least it was installing it) is badly coded, second theory is that it's because there are like thousands of trees on the edge of the map. If you go too far, you die instantly and go back. But I found out that if you hold W and you keep holding it while dying, you just get back up and you can continue with your journey for self-discovery. The cows are stuck in 2 seconds long animation and you can even see when they are reseting. You have some weapons, which are absolutely pointless anyway, because there is nothing to shoot with them, except the ground, which is something, I guess? If you shoot the cow, nothing happens. There are bullet decals, but they are levitating in the air, because cows have invisible square hitboxes around them. Another thing is that these guns are stock default Unity guns I had pleasure to see in another awesome piece of software known as Air Control, and trust me, I would like to be joking. There are few round collectables on the ground that can be collected that will make you move faster or will slow down a time. I remember them from Air Control as well, so I think these things are included in Unity, or maybe in its Pro version. Well, that's the first mode for you anyway, let's move to the second one.

Grass
You... do nothing there, you can move the camera around and watch model of grass moving upwards from the ground. Su randum! Also there is a sketch of corn. It's not even modelled, it's just 2D picture with two colours used. Okay, that's the grass mode. This mode has bugged menu, because when I tried to click the button to go back to Main Menu, it didn't do anything, so I had to shut it down to be able to "play" another mode. Now let's skip to it!

Dubstep
Cuz you know, if you have no idea what to do, put dubstep there. In this mode there is just a very small map (with fence being the border) with some lights, dubstep music playing there and the cows rotating around. Comedy gold! The terrain is glowing and sky is moving. I guess it's hardcore party. There is one hipster cow that's not part of the crowd. This cow is flying, changing the scale, etc. I thought: "Wow, developer can scale a cow model, impressive!"

Range
I think that Range mode is supposed to be shooting mode, but to be honest, it doesn't work for me, so I guess it's broken. There is nothing happening when I load it. When I press Escape, I bug through the ceiling and fall on the ground and then... still nothing. Keys on my keyboard aren't doing anything and mouse as well, so I couldn't move and couldn't even move camera around. I guess you can use this mode as a wallpaper.

So that's Grass Simulator for you! Su funi! "But it's in Early Access!", you could say and the developer is promising another features added in the future. That's right, but look, there are good and promising games in Early Access that are only getting better and then there is this thing which obviously will never be good, because the developer is lacking developing skills and the whole idea of Grass Simulator is stupid to begin with. I would like to be proven wrong, but I don't think I will. For me, the biggest problem with this software is that skilled person would be able to make it in a day and amateur in few days with help of some YouTube tutorials. The most baffling thing is that this is being sold for actual money. It could be okay as a some learning project for developer on some website where you could play it in the web browser, but it's not okay as a product on Steam being sold for actual money. Especially for 8,99€ (10% off). I find this price absolutely ludicrous and mocking all the people who bought this for full price, because you can get Skyrim for lower price when it's on sale. Last message is for bunch of internet "comedians" making the same tired jokes in their reviews - we've already seen it milions of times, so you are not funny nor original, also you're giving it bigger score (Mostly Positive at the time of writing this review) that could mislead some people into thinking that this is actually something good.