Polygon: The Game That Redefined Reality... Sort of
When "Polygon" dropped, the world held its breath. Not because we were expecting it, but because it came with a free helium balloon. But let's dive into the game itself, a mesmerizing journey through the world of geometric wonder that left me in stitches – quite literally, because I tripped over my own feet while laughing.

Storyline: A Plot as Tangled as My Earbuds
The story of "Polygon" starts with our hero, Captain Hexagon, who embarks on a quest to retrieve the Sacred Protractor from the evil clutches of Lord Decagon. Captain Hexagon, equipped with his trusty sidekick, Square Bob, who is perpetually confused about his shape, ventures through the land of Anglestan.

The plot twists more times than a politician’s promise. Just when you think Captain Hexagon has finally aligned himself with the axis of truth, BAM! – he’s off on a tangent involving a love triangle with an isosceles trapezoid and a rhombus with trust issues.

Graphics: Cutting-Edge Technology from the 1980s
"Polygon" proudly boasts a unique art style reminiscent of early computer graphics – or as I like to call it, 'retro chic.' The game world is a kaleidoscope of neon colors and sharp angles, making it look like a rave inside a geometry textbook. The characters move with the fluidity of a rusty robot, and their expressions are as dynamic as a screensaver from Windows 95.

My personal favorite visual detail is the way trees are represented by three triangles stacked on a stick, which, incidentally, is also how I drew them in kindergarten. The water effects, looking suspiciously like blue triangles sliding past each other, are a marvel of modern tech... from 1984.

Gameplay: A Shape-shifting Experience
The gameplay in "Polygon" is a mix of puzzle-solving, platforming, and pure chaos. The puzzles require you to think outside the box – or sometimes inside, depending on where Square Bob’s latest mishap has trapped him. You'll navigate through levels like the Pythagorean Pitfall and the Tangent Tundra, using your geometry skills to unlock doors and defeat enemies.

The controls are intuitive: use the left stick to move Captain Hexagon, the right stick to ponder life’s meaning, and the D-pad to shout geometric puns at your enemies. There's also a dedicated button for "awkward dance moves," which doesn’t serve any practical purpose but is endlessly entertaining.

Characters: A Motley Crew of Shapes
Each character in "Polygon" is a well-rounded individual... except for the ones that are polygons. There’s Triangle Tony, who’s always getting into pointy situations, and Circle Cindy, whose existential crisis about not having edges provides a surprising emotional depth.

The dialogue is rich with humor, mostly consisting of geometry puns and slapstick comedy. At one point, Circle Cindy tries to go through a door, only to realize it’s a square hole, leading to a hilarious sequence where she gets stuck and Captain Hexagon has to 'angle' his way through the problem.

Multiplayer: A Party Game for the Math Club
The multiplayer mode is where "Polygon" truly shines. You can team up with friends in various mini-games like "Shape Shifter Showdown," where you have to morph into different shapes to fit through obstacles, and "Angle Wars," a competitive mode where you throw protractors at each other while shouting "Acute hit!" and "Obtuse miss!"

In "Poly Party," you and your friends can participate in a dance-off that uses motion controls to detect your moves. The scoring system is as clear as mud, but that’s part of the fun. My friends and I laughed until our sides hurt – which in a game about shapes, is both ironic and geometrically painful.

Soundtrack: The Symphony of Shapes
The soundtrack of "Polygon" is a collection of beeps, boops, and 8-bit tracks that make you feel like you’re trapped inside a calculator. The main theme, "Polygon Polka," is a catchy tune that will be stuck in your head for days, causing you to involuntarily hum it during serious life moments, like meetings or dental appointments.

Voice acting deserves a special mention. The voice of Captain Hexagon, delivered with Shakespearean gravitas, contrasts hilariously with the absurdity of his lines. Square Bob’s voice actor captures the essence of perpetual confusion, and Lord Decagon’s evil laugh – more of a sinister chuckle, really – sounds like a malfunctioning blender.

Final Thoughts: A Triumphant Trapezoid of a Game
"Polygon" is not just a game; it’s an experience. It’s like if Salvador Dali designed a math class while juggling flamingos. The blend of humor, chaos, and geometry creates a unique world that’s as unpredictable as it is entertaining.

Sure, the graphics might make your eyes feel like they’re doing calculus, and the controls might occasionally make you wish you had three hands, but that’s all part of the charm. Whether you’re a geometry enthusiast, a fan of retro games, or someone who enjoys a good laugh, "Polygon" offers a little something for everyone – mostly in the form of acute puns and obtuse references.

So grab your protractor, put on your thinking cap, and dive into the world of "Polygon." Just remember: in the end, it’s all about the angles.

Rating: ★★★★☆ (Four out of five polygons)

Pros:

Hilarious storyline and characters
Unique retro graphics
Engaging multiplayer modes
An abundance of geometry puns
Cons:

Occasional control issues
Graphics might induce nostalgia-induced headaches
The plot is more tangled than a ball of yarn in a kitten’s paws
Polygon: where every shape has a story, and every story has at least three sides.

Polygon: The Game That Redefined Reality... Sort of When "Polygon" dropped, the world held its breath. Not because we were expecting it, but because it came with a free helium balloon. But let's dive into the game itself, a mesmerizing journey through the world of geometric wonder that left me in stitches – quite literally, because I tripped over my own feet while laughing. Storyline: A Plot as Tangled as My Earbuds The story of "Polygon" starts with our hero, Captain Hexagon, who embarks on a quest to retrieve the Sacred Protractor from the evil clutches of Lord Decagon. Captain Hexagon, equipped with his trusty sidekick, Square Bob, who is perpetually confused about his shape, ventures through the land of Anglestan. The plot twists more times than a politician’s promise. Just when you think Captain Hexagon has finally aligned himself with the axis of truth, BAM! – he’s off on a tangent involving a love triangle with an isosceles trapezoid and a rhombus with trust issues. Graphics: Cutting-Edge Technology from the 1980s "Polygon" proudly boasts a unique art style reminiscent of early computer graphics – or as I like to call it, 'retro chic.' The game world is a kaleidoscope of neon colors and sharp angles, making it look like a rave inside a geometry textbook. The characters move with the fluidity of a rusty robot, and their expressions are as dynamic as a screensaver from Windows 95. My personal favorite visual detail is the way trees are represented by three triangles stacked on a stick, which, incidentally, is also how I drew them in kindergarten. The water effects, looking suspiciously like blue triangles sliding past each other, are a marvel of modern tech... from 1984. Gameplay: A Shape-shifting Experience The gameplay in "Polygon" is a mix of puzzle-solving, platforming, and pure chaos. The puzzles require you to think outside the box – or sometimes inside, depending on where Square Bob’s latest mishap has trapped him. You'll navigate through levels like the Pythagorean Pitfall and the Tangent Tundra, using your geometry skills to unlock doors and defeat enemies. The controls are intuitive: use the left stick to move Captain Hexagon, the right stick to ponder life’s meaning, and the D-pad to shout geometric puns at your enemies. There's also a dedicated button for "awkward dance moves," which doesn’t serve any practical purpose but is endlessly entertaining. Characters: A Motley Crew of Shapes Each character in "Polygon" is a well-rounded individual... except for the ones that are polygons. There’s Triangle Tony, who’s always getting into pointy situations, and Circle Cindy, whose existential crisis about not having edges provides a surprising emotional depth. The dialogue is rich with humor, mostly consisting of geometry puns and slapstick comedy. At one point, Circle Cindy tries to go through a door, only to realize it’s a square hole, leading to a hilarious sequence where she gets stuck and Captain Hexagon has to 'angle' his way through the problem. Multiplayer: A Party Game for the Math Club The multiplayer mode is where "Polygon" truly shines. You can team up with friends in various mini-games like "Shape Shifter Showdown," where you have to morph into different shapes to fit through obstacles, and "Angle Wars," a competitive mode where you throw protractors at each other while shouting "Acute hit!" and "Obtuse miss!" In "Poly Party," you and your friends can participate in a dance-off that uses motion controls to detect your moves. The scoring system is as clear as mud, but that’s part of the fun. My friends and I laughed until our sides hurt – which in a game about shapes, is both ironic and geometrically painful. Soundtrack: The Symphony of Shapes The soundtrack of "Polygon" is a collection of beeps, boops, and 8-bit tracks that make you feel like you’re trapped inside a calculator. The main theme, "Polygon Polka," is a catchy tune that will be stuck in your head for days, causing you to involuntarily hum it during serious life moments, like meetings or dental appointments. Voice acting deserves a special mention. The voice of Captain Hexagon, delivered with Shakespearean gravitas, contrasts hilariously with the absurdity of his lines. Square Bob’s voice actor captures the essence of perpetual confusion, and Lord Decagon’s evil laugh – more of a sinister chuckle, really – sounds like a malfunctioning blender. Final Thoughts: A Triumphant Trapezoid of a Game "Polygon" is not just a game; it’s an experience. It’s like if Salvador Dali designed a math class while juggling flamingos. The blend of humor, chaos, and geometry creates a unique world that’s as unpredictable as it is entertaining. Sure, the graphics might make your eyes feel like they’re doing calculus, and the controls might occasionally make you wish you had three hands, but that’s all part of the charm. Whether you’re a geometry enthusiast, a fan of retro games, or someone who enjoys a good laugh, "Polygon" offers a little something for everyone – mostly in the form of acute puns and obtuse references. So grab your protractor, put on your thinking cap, and dive into the world of "Polygon." Just remember: in the end, it’s all about the angles. Rating: ★★★★☆ (Four out of five polygons) Pros: Hilarious storyline and characters Unique retro graphics Engaging multiplayer modes An abundance of geometry puns Cons: Occasional control issues Graphics might induce nostalgia-induced headaches The plot is more tangled than a ball of yarn in a kitten’s paws Polygon: where every shape has a story, and every story has at least three sides.