Recent reviews by Borb

This was my final purchase in the series as of this point. Bought it to complete the, ahem, official series, was half-worried it wouldn't be enough of an improvement from the original to warrant the purchase. Not sure why, probably propaganda.

The graphics retain the clear, block of color style of the original while adding something special, blah blah blah, you can see that for yourself in screenshots, I'll get to the gameplay.

Having played both ways, (my controller decided it didn't want to convey input properly partway through) I can say that, unlike the original, this enjoyable with both keyboard and controller. That said, unless controls are a LOT better, there really seems to have been a difficulty tweak from the original. However, any difficulty tweak that doesn't involve getting kicked in the face by a guy wearing night vision goggles is alright with me.

Mechanic-wise, it's very similar to the original, you view the action from above, though as previously mentioned, you've got better control of it. I'm, uh, I'm not sure how to duck, though. Should probably figure that out, seeing as there's an achievement for avoiding rockets 10 times by ducking. One of my few gripes is the lack of sound position, I keep thinking someone off to the side is yelling, before realizing, upon their, let's say incapacitation, it was in fact the person I was actively engaging.

I'd like to see a couple more singleplayer modes, since I don't have any friends who own this game, but perhaps this is a better game to play with randoms, who knows?

The story, while partially covered throughout the game, isn't a big part of it. You don't need to know in-depth why things are happening, just that they are. Rampage mode even has a bit of story associated with it, framing the action almost as a competition.


+ Great and well-deserved remake of the original
+ Almost pure gameplay
+ Controls greatly improved
+ Rick Hunter

- Sound seems to come from one spot
- Only two singleplayer modes

I suppose the time has come to review POSTAL 2. Here's what it's got going for it. It's POSTAL 2.
What? You say that's not enough of a reason? Change your mind or your surviving family members will have to do it for you.

+ To begin with, it's an open world done right, you can explore a number of buildings and get some pretty good loot from some of them. The fact that it disallows you from entering certain areas until a specific day isn't that big of an issue, at least in my opinion.

+ Want to murder protesters at your (former) place of work? No problem. Want to murder your boss when you're done murdering those protesters? Pfft, go ahead. Want to stand in line to urinate on Gary Coleman? Hey, whatever floats your boat.

+ You have an unlimited number of matches.

OK. Is three reasons enough to help you change your mind? Good.
Now just sign right here. Oh, that's no problem, I have a pen right here that you can use.
Now, since you've already signed, and I've taken the pen away, here are a few cons.

- Weapons could be better, I was disappointed at the damage on the .50 pistol, among other weapons.

- Crashed occasionally, some odd framerate drops.

- Silencers make too much noise.

Hey, what do you mean you want to take back your signature? That's not how it works! Give me back my clipboard!
OK, you wanna play rough?
Say hello to Hedge Clipperson, and goodbye to your head!

Well, I guess that qualifies as a review. If it's on sale, get it with Paradise Lost, it's guaranteed* to make you feel better about the abomination that is POSTAL III, as you learn that it was all a coma dream.

*not a legally binding guarantee, if you attempt to sue, you will be forced to attend a meeting with our lawyer, Hedge Clipperson

Who's that man with the three piece suit?
Makin' a doll with a log and fruit
Who's that man with the eight strong legs?
Tried to make me breakfast but he broke my eggs

Octodad
Nobody suspects a thing
Octodad
Octodad

Watch out, Octodad!
The Joker's in hot pursuit!
In a speedboat!
And there's a chef with him and they're gonna make sushi out of you, Octodad!
Run for your life!
Or spray ink in his face!

Octodad
Nobody suspects a thing
Octodad
He's got a good thing going
Octodad
Nobody suspects a thing
Octodad
Octodad

Who's that man with the hard, hard beak?
Three feet tall with a soft physique
How's a man like that man feel?
Running for his life from a moray eel

Octodad
Nobody suspects a thing
Octodad
He's got a good thing going
Octodad
Nobody suspects a thing
Octodad
Octodad

In the town where I was born
Lived a man who sailed to sea
And he told us of his life
In the land of submarines

So we sailed up to the sun
Till we found the sea of green
And we lived beneath the waves
In our yellow submarine

We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine

And our friends are all on board
Many more of them live next door
And the band begins to play

We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine

Full speed ahead, Mr. Parker, full speed ahead
Full speed over here, sir
Action station, action station
Aye, aye, sir, fire
Heaven, heaven

As we live a life of ease
Everyone of us has all we need (has all we need)
Sky of blue (sky of blue) and sea of green (and sea of green)
In our (In our) yellow submarine (yellow submarine, ha-ha!)

How can it be permissible?
She compromise my principle, yeah, yeah
That kind of love is mythical
She's anything but typical

She's a craze you'd endorse, she's a powerful force
You're obliged to conform when there's no other course
She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

Her loving is so powerful, huh!
It's simply unavoidable
The trend is irreversible
The woman is invincible

She's a natural law and she leaves me in awe
She deserves the applause, I surrender because
She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

Simply irresistible
(She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went)
Simply irresistible
(She's all mine, there's no other way to go)

She's unavoidable, I'm backed against the wall
She gives me feelings like I never felt before
I'm breaking promises, she's breaking every law
She used to look good to me, now I find her

Simply irresistible
(She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went)
Simply irresistible
(She's all mine, there's no other way to go)

Her methods are inscrutable
The proof is irrefutable, (ooh...)
She's so completely kissable, huh
Our lives are indivisible, yeah yeah

She's a craze you'd endorse, she's a powerful force
You're obliged to conform when there's no other course
She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

Simply irresistible
(She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went)
Simply irresistible
(She's all mine, there's no other way to go)
Simply irresistible
(She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went)
Simply irresistible
(She's all mine, there's no other way to go)

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the backstreets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire, how about yours?
That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold

(Go for the moon)
(Go for the moon)
(Go for the moon)
(Go for the moon)

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars...

Somebody once asked "Could I spare some change for gas?
I need to get myself away from this place"
I said "Yep, what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change!"

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the backstreets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold