Derpa Cheef's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked 17 Dec, 2013 @ 5:43pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked 9 Jul, 2014 @ 6:57pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked 6 Aug, 2014 @ 1:07pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 6:02am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked 9 Aug, 2014 @ 5:46pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked 6 Aug, 2014 @ 1:32pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked 9 Aug, 2014 @ 5:59pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked 28 Aug, 2014 @ 12:04am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 4:15pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 10:34pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 12:15am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 3:08am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

Unlocked 28 Sep, 2014 @ 6:42pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 5:29am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 5:21pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 1:49am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 5:56am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 9:34pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:37am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Unlocked 28 Sep, 2014 @ 6:26pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 5:58am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:15am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 11:36pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:39am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:06am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 9:08pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 6:12am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 7:50pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 5:30pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 5:18am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 2:09am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:10am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 5:39am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 4:09pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked 15 Dec, 2013 @ 11:05pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 6:35pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 11:37pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked 28 Sep, 2014 @ 6:45pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2014 @ 1:50pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked 17 Dec, 2013 @ 5:47pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked 6 Aug, 2014 @ 1:40pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

Unlocked 6 Aug, 2014 @ 1:40pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked 15 Dec, 2013 @ 11:04pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

Unlocked 10 Jan, 2014 @ 9:20am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Unlocked 17 Dec, 2013 @ 5:47pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Unlocked 6 Aug, 2014 @ 1:37pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:36am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 12:18pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Unlocked 28 Sep, 2014 @ 6:57pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Unlocked 20 Sep, 2014 @ 12:30pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Unlocked 18 Sep, 2014 @ 5:38am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:37am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 9:21am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

Unlocked 30 Sep, 2014 @ 5:24pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

Unlocked 28 Aug, 2014 @ 12:07am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!

Unlocked 6 Aug, 2014 @ 1:59pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Unlocked 21 Sep, 2014 @ 3:09am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Unlocked 20 Apr, 2015 @ 8:48am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Unlocked 12 Jun, 2015 @ 9:49am

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.

Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 8:55am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Unlocked 12 Jun, 2015 @ 9:39am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Unlocked 17 Aug, 2017 @ 4:08pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

6 / 10

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

4 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

495 / 5,000