"When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"
— Cave Johnson, Portal 2

"As someone who identifies as an A-10 Thunderbolt II, this game speaks to my need to penetrate tank armor at 3900 rounds per minute both on the battlefield and in the bedroom. 11/10"
— Random review of Panzermadels: Tank Dating Simulator

"In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigrade—which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly one mole of atoms in it.
Whereas in the American system, the answer to “How much energy does it take to boil a room-temperature gallon of water?” is “Go ♥♥♥♥ yourself,” because you can’t directly relate any of those quantities."
— Ashley Beaumont, a random YouTube commenter

"I like it when it's disgusting, oblong, and a weird colour."
— Mark Fischbach, 2016

"The HTTP 418 I'm a teapot client error response code indicates that the server refuses to brew coffee because it is a teapot."
— Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol (HTCPCP/1.0): Semantics and Content

"When you're drunk, you're going to need some help getting your tip in. So you don't just wanna wander around, 'cause you're probably gonna wind up putting it in the wrong hole, and someone's going to be mad."
— Louis Rossmann, 2019

"Sadder than an orphan with an incest fetish."
— Senza, a YouTuber

"Quotes are just pirated words."
— Me