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First off, let me say that I'm a Bigfoot Expert. I'm a founding member of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Society, and have donated the life savings of both me and my wife to the cause. I own more than $20,000 worth of memorabilia, including a custom paint job on my 1995 Toyota Corolla, the interior of my house (Took eight months for the painters to finish), silverware, clothes, a life-sized statue made of granite, and of course, Funko Pops. I've also spent tens of thousands of dollars flying across Country and across borders to meet with fellow Bigfoot experts, and investigate sightings.

My experience with the game was more life-like than anything I've ever experienced on this Earth. I spent 32 in game days, (Roughly 6.5 hours irl), walking around aimlessly, finding nothing whatsoever aside from the freezing cold and endless amounts of vicious wolves. Upon my returning to the Cabin for the preparation for my seventh consecutive hour, I found that Bigfoot himself was waiting for me. I immediately went inside, and luckily, Bigfoot glitched his fat a$$ into the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ wall. Helpless, I spent the next half an hour wailing on the beast with my trusty knife, the radio behind me screeching insanely loudly, blaring static noises ripped straight off of YouTube through my $5 headphones (I tried numerous times to turn off the radio but I couldn't.) After a half an hour more, the mighty beast fell, his body disappearing off the map, leaving me stuck in the game for additional five hours.

In a nutshell, if you in ANYWAY criticize, mock, or demean this humble piece of artwork; you are a troglodyte and are worth no more than the slime on the boots of a lowly peasant. Hurling insults at such a fine depiction of a mystical being is such an offense, that I truly hope that Bigfoot himself encounters you in a forest you may find yourself in one day, and tears your flesh limb from limb.
Sincerely, Joshua P Strawman.
Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization
ContactUs@BFRO.NET (408) 634-BFRO 408-634-2376(edited)