"If you'd like to f*ck my wife, I should not stand in the way, after all, you did bring tea." - Simon

"If he was white, I'd kill him too" - Simon

"There's at least 140 pages of Isabelle porn, I kind of have to look at it." - Simon

"Dude, just get a vasectomy, then you'll be the guy with a vasectomy. Vasectomy Mike." - Jackson

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.” - Darby

"I wanna sit next to someone's hot grandma." - Simon

"yeah uhhhh can i get a blt on white bread hold the bacon lettuce tomato extra mayo tho, toasted." - Simon

"If monkeys can go to space, they can go to court." - Simon

“Oh, I was wondering why my water was tinted pink and smelled like moose testosterone.” - Jackson

"Simon, if you ever find love, I'm going to kill her." - Jack

"Sorry we're not remaining celibate until 30 to get our wizard powers, like you." - Jackson

"Just because we're bullying you, doesn't mean its not funny." - Jack

"There's just something so unsettling about regular people bullying chipmunks." - Jack

"All calculators are powered by the internet." - Simon

"I've done it. I've found a way to duplicate garbage." - Devin

"All black people celebrate Kwanza." - Jackson

"If his j*zz tastes this good, I might have to start thinking about men." - Jackson

"IS F*CKIN' A CRIME? IF IT IS THEN SUE ME." - Jack

"I think I'd rather go nuts-first into a cactus farm than play Hand Simulator right now." - Jackson

"In the joke community, we call that one a flop." - Jack

“I have too many valuables, I can’t hold the frog.” - Simon

"Him, or her. Not gonna be sexist, I could kill a woman." - Jackson

"I'd rather taste garbage than nothing." - Jackson

"you guys better be careful im boutta just leave this discord call and jerk off for 8 hours" - Jonas

"If the meat has been sitting out on the counter all night, it probably shouldn't be eaten. The meat probably, shouldn't be eaten if it has been sitting out on the counter all night. The meat shouldn't be eaten, if it has been sitting out on the counter all night. " - Jake

"If you are gonna beat a horse to death, at least give it a funny hat." - Simon

"Syrian food is great, like, who would ever want to hurt those guys?" - Simon