Counter-Strike 2 is what happens when you take a timeless tactical shooter and run it through the corporate microwave on “defrost.” Valve really sat there, looked at one of the most iconic esports titles of all time, and said, “Yeah, but what if we made it worse… and shinier?”

Let’s talk about the movement , or should I say gliding simulator 2025. You don’t strafe in CS2 , you moonwalk. Half the time it feels like you're controlling a shopping cart with a broken wheel. Precision? Dead. Muscle memory? Useless. CS veterans with 10,000 hours are getting bodied by dudes who just installed the game yesterday because the mechanics feel like they were coded by someone who never played a shooter in their life.

And the hit registration? My guy, I’ve seen more consistency in drunk darts on a Friday night. You peek someone, shoot them in the head, the server rolls some digital dice, and decides, “Nah, actually, that was a whiff.” The sub-tick system is just Valve’s way of saying, “We made things worse, but with extra steps.”

Valve also somehow managed to make the maps both prettier and harder to read. Mirage looks like it got a 4K UltraHD Instagram filter, and now everything blends together like a watercolor fever dream. Good luck spotting enemies when half the map looks like it’s been dipped in sunlight and bloom effects. Who needs visibility in a competitive shooter, right?

Counter-Strike 2 is like your favorite band reuniting after a decade just to drop the weakest album of their career. They kept the name, changed the vibe, and left all the good stuff behind. It's CS:GO, but with the personality removed and replaced by a tech demo someone found on Reddit.

CS:GO woke up in a different body, forgot who it was, and now it’s trying to be cool by hanging out with the new kids while the OGs quietly uninstall.