And with one simple thrust of his star-spangled boot cleat, our brave American hero, fighting the good fight beneath the grey and belligerent skies of the motherland, begins his crusade to reduce the legacy of one Lionel Andrés Messi Cuccittini to the trivial irrelevance that we've long suspected it to be.

Beyond the upper 90, towards the distant horizon, a new footballing hierarchy sharpens into focus - it's wearing Crocs, drinking Budweiser and carrying an M16.