Recent reviews by KAPT KoneKruncher

Nebula is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ joke

Pretty good game if you like getting your ass handed to you 24/7 by starving bandits

One hell of a game, while short, it leaves a lasting effect on you, the player.
Also my hours are higher than most because I legitimatly grinding for 100 xp, you'll know when that comes by..

This is art; this is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ art.
If you're interested in art; then buy this game.
If you're just looking to put a couple hours in; then buy this game.
If you're just a normal gamer; then buy this game.
If you don't give a ♥♥♥♥; then buy this game.
I cannot find words to describe the beauty of this game.

Perfect/10

Before yoy read my review for this game, I'd like you to look at my hours, yes, 2 hours. However, I played this game in offline mode, alot, and because of steam then, it never recorded my hours, I have tried co op with a friend of mine, so I at least have perspective on this.
-You may now read the review! :D


Now, to be fair, I DID have fun playing this game. Sure, at first glace it just looks like a simple game; but while the controls are very simple, the actual combat is extremly complex (stabbing, hand to hand, throwing, catching, etc). To put it simply, it's generally a good game, it's fair, it's fun, and it is very challenging to keep you interested if you're into this. Overall, I'd say for this genre of fighting games, it's perfect. But you look above and see the thumbs Doooown. Two main reasons.

1. If you are not really into fighting game, but you do enjoy them, then it seems perfect to get this game; don't. Honestly, the game doesn't give that much content, there are only 4 levels in the game, which is understandable, since the actual level design is marvelous, but for most people who play fighting game, they want levels where you can perform combos and such; where in Nidhogg; it's not about combos, but about speed; so really, this game ISN'T under most fighting game genres. To put it short; it's just generally not a fighting game; it's just a game of tag, with swords.

2. The price; even if you are into this game, and the game alone, honestly, for 15 bucks, I could buy the binding of isaac for 5 dollars, and get about 10 times the amount of content in this, I'm not even kidding. Isaac aside; there isn't much play value if you don't have a controller (Sure, you can play without the controller, but it's extremly awkward using the keyboard at once when you are in a really tense situation); and even if you do, you'd probably get about 15 hours worth, before you and your friend gets bored entirely. While the game is VERY well made with excellent work, I'd only get this game during a sale; to me, the game is worth about 6 dollars at the most.

One thing I would like to note that, this is simply my opinion, because alot of people in the review section have good points about the game, if possible, give this game a go, it didn't satify my tastes, but it certinly did for alot of other people. So who knows, maybe you'll be that badass ninja guy who can throw his sword like a boomerang, and kill 2 guys in a single swing. Who knows!

Why Hellooooooooo there children! Why I must say, you're dress is just, gah, BEAU- Pfft, hah, nah, just kidding, get out, no seriously, get out; that's disgusting! Anywho kids, I am here to tell you a story, a story of a man who of which never played the most beautiful game in the world; ze "BattleBlock Theature". Now you must be thinking "WHAT? He never played that game!? What is WRONG with him, was he dropped on his head when he was born!?" Well to answer that question simply, most likely; but if you want the real answer, it was because the lad was known to be socially unaccepted, and to be discarded from society like nothing more than a tissue used for secrety things. So then oneday our protagonist decided to get BattleBlock theature, and HO, was his life in for a spin! For only 2 HOURS, the boy heard a knock at the door, there he saw Justin Beiber at his door, looking faggy as usual. So then our protagonist punched him in the FACE! It was huge, so huge that the boy became an oscar award winning 'Justin Beiber Puncher'. Now our lad gets the ladies whenever he wants, and to call the shots on what should explode! And our friend only thanks BattleBlock Theater, because if it wasn't for the game, he would have never gotten this far! But you too can be as awesome and cool as our friend! Why, buy this game, and soon, you'll be consumed by it's awesomeness, and became the living definition of awesome! Literally!

Kids, do NOT get this game, it requires internet it start up! When you first start it up, UPLAY, boom, you gotta have a Uplay account in order to play. However, Uplay was down for most of the release, so you literally could not play the game, untill the Uplay servers were back on. And when that small window of hope comes out, and u can log in, BOOM, gotta put in the code in your 'casing' and paste it there. But ofc you have no friggan case, the only code you have is the code that pops up at the bottom right; and that doesn't ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ work. And as far as other reviews go, even if you do start up the game, the game is laggy as ♥♥♥♥, and it crashes often. So I'm going to tell you one thing son, one thing, Do Not Get This Game, Ever!

~9/11 best game! all game! Best game 2011, 2017!

You can lick cars to make them explode!

An Amazing game with Amazing gameplay and Amazing soundtrack by Chris Christodoulou. I cannot even begin to scratch on the surface on how epicly awesome this game is.

Being a big fan of any retro sytled game, I decided to get this game, and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, I asked myself why I didn't get this earlier! Now, before I can go any further, I'd like to say that the soundtrack is down right touching; Seriously it makes half the game for me IMO. Risk of Rain is a fast pased platformer with RPG elements; in this game, you have to think fast to survive (but not THAT fast). Just like most Rogue like games, this game has a bundle of items that not only increase your stats, but change the gameplay slightly (e.g. Barbed Wire makes a halo around your character that damages enemies).

While there are less items than other Rouge games (Binding of Isaac, Splunkey, etc) what makes this game unique is that if you collect the same item again, it stacks on itself. There is also a monster notebook that pretty much gives you the commando's (the first playable character) point of veiw on the enemies, which I believe was a good touch.

There is a storyline to this game, but unfortunetly, you would normally be too distracted by killing the enemies in the game, untill, that is, you reach the last level in the game. Now I won't spoil anything, but trust me, its Amazing. I'd probably go on forever about this game, but I fear that if I say too much, you won't buy it. Seriously, get this game! I've only merely scratched the surface of what the game is; the game is only 10 dollars, and it will be the best 10 dollars you would have spent!

I'm addicted to this game, better than CoD Nazi Zombies, get this pure awesome game!