Me: Yes this is Pelican 111 pls respond.
Dan: This is Twinkle Toes 121 reed u loud and clear pelican 111.
Me: Ok Twinkle Toes I hear you, We have a man down I repeat we have a man down we need a medivac ASAP.
Dan: I am the man down, I am kill pls send Bedivac.

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Me: Peenote has a hikup.
Dan: Omg take her to the polise.
Me: Wot r they goink to do?
Dan: They will give her ppr.
Me: Wtf is dis ppr?
Dan: Penote Puppy Resuscitation.

I drown myself in choklit meelk.