I totally and utterly reject your expressions of sorrow. Let nobody be in any doubt these are crocodile tears you are crying. For hundreds of years my community have enjoyed cheddar cheese and pineapple on a stick and today, you have been seen to trample our demands CONTEMPTUOUSLY into the mud. You vile hag you shall be judged GUILTY.

this is factually incorrect and here's why:
You probably have quite a few opinions about what's going on in the news cycle right now, but it's important to remember one thing: you're wrong. Here's why. To start, you're completely missing the point and everything you think is actually at odds with reality when you look at the data. In fact, you're nowhere close to being accurate. It's simple to understand when you stop for a second and actually look at the issues. Once you open your eyes, you'll see that you're wrong about each and every one of them, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. "But what about this other thing I heard?" No, if the past is any indication of the future, not only is there no chance that you'll ever be right, all signs suggest you will never even come close once in your lifetime. The only way you'll ever be right is to repeat everything I say word-for-word to every single person you know. Until then, you're wrong.

Sonny had a boyfriend, who's name was tiny tim
he threw him intil the river to see if he could swim
he swam over the rapids, he swam over the falls
sonny got excited and grabbed him by the...
bang bang sonny! sonny bangs all day, who's gonna bang for sonny when sonny goes away

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Actually you lame ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I can vouch that this person is a totally gorgeous lady, I've seen her on FB and I bet you totes wish she liked you. Unless this is an inside joke I don't get in which case, uh, whoops. I'm being nosy.

Also... Maybe.

A tasty little snack, a yummy little morsel, a delectable little treat, a delicious little sweet, a scrumptious little dessert, a delightful little bite, the hors d'oeuvres if you will, the bon appétit if you will, the pièce de résistance if you will