Reseñas recientes de Bahnana Toast

Summary Review
Masturbation Simulator 2014


Detailed Review
So I was in an internship where my team thought it would be a brilliant idea to make a videogame where you have players play a game where your voice is the game, and the key goal is that at certain points in the game, you scream as loud as you can. And the the louder you scream, the more points you get.

Everyone's all for that idea.
Except for me.

I thought it was a stupid idea from the start, because not only does that just sound stupid on its own, but that encourages players to be annoying.

It's already bad enough you have CoD kids screaming at you online, why the hell are we making a game that promotes being obnoxious?

I honestly hope it doesn't fly out of production. Because if it does fly, they'll probably get something like "The Howler."

This game uses the gimmick of using your voice to help elevate your hot air balloon and get from point A to point B, C and so on. And the louder you are, the faster you go up. That's basically your goal in this game.

Yeah, I could use the mouse instead, but that already sounded lame, so lets go use my voice.

I couldn't stand the idea I had to talk/scream louder than I should be, and it's really unfortunate too with this kind of art style. Whoever's the artist deserves better than this. And if the artist is one of the Game Devs themselves: shame on him for thinking this concept was even a good idea.

Eventually after 5~10 minutes of screaming, I got tired and stopped.
And you know what I did?

No, I didn't start using my mouse.

I got a paper towel, wrapped it around my mic, and started stroking it to raise my hot air balloon across the field.
...yeah. If that ain't innuendo enough for you, I don't know what is.

This game blows.
Literally.

Please don't make anything atrocious like this ever again, game developers.
It encourages people to be stupid, and you should feel bad for it.

Note: This game is currently in beta, and is available to try out for free right now. If you want to give it a go yourself, go to Brawlhalla's website here and sign up: http://www.brawlhalla.com/



Summary Review
If you're looking for a Smash Bro's clone on steam, look no further.


Detailed Review
I saw this game as a "give it a try" game without knowing what it was, so I hopped onto the beta bandwagon and said "why not give this a shot"?

So you have characters of different genders and species duking it out in an FFA deathmatch, and the two players with the most points gets to advance to the next match.

I didn't realize this game would be a Smash Bro's clone in every way (because...durr, I didn't look at the trailer or any gameplay of this), but this game really was a nice surprise.

I played Sir Roland, Scarlet, that one Kabuki samurai warrior (forgot her name, sorry) and Thatch. So far, I'm loving Scarlet's clunky powerful moveset. What I was really intrigued is that every character has a set of stats, something I don't really see in Smash Bro's, but each one really handles nicely.

I normally spend at least 30 minutes to an hour before assessing a game, and I played this game for an hour without even realizing the time, which is a good thing. When I'm not enjoying something, I constantly look at the time if I'm done playing it, then give my snarky review.

I look forward to this game's full release and what other weapons, characters and stages they'll add.

Summary review
This game brings back all the nostalgia that you came to know and love from SA, and is a must play for any Sonic fan to grab a hold of.

...after you patch it.


Detailed review
I remember completely wrecking a good portion of my childhood when I got my hands on Sonic Adventure for the Dreamcast, and didn't give a care in the world for anything else.

I never touched the DX version since I never owned a gamecube, so I'm not too familiar with many of the changes other than actually knowing my Chao's stats and, thank god, knowing when I'm actually going to pick them up or if I was going to accidentally murder them by going "@@@@@@@@@@@@@!!"

But most important of all, they don't age real time like Animal Crossing. Omg, I remember freaking out in my Dreamcast days when I woke up the next morning and saw my abomination of a Chao rebirth. I raged harder like no other. >:(

When I saw this game go for a $1 with the Dreamcast collection along with 2 other Sega games, I was stoked, and bought the bundle without hesitation.

Upon starting it up for the first time, I was....

Wait, what's up with the fugly vertical bars on my screen?
What? No widescreen??
And what's this? Texture hiccups!?

Wow, this game is complete ass from last I remember this.

...that is, until I decided to get the "Better SADX" mod.

Allowed me to play the game widescreen, has slight texture enhancements, and has the option to toggle between auto and free camera mode. Don't know about those modes, since they can still play terrible in either mode, but whatever~!

These small changes really helped me enjoy my experience with SADX, and I still look forward to continue playing it, while having my fiancee relive the nostalgia with me.

Personally, SA1 was always better than SA2 for me by leaps.
- No Speedracer-paced dialogue.
- No "suddenly, I'm here!" level placements.
- No...weird...looking mouth movements.
- No character gameplay re-hash.

Though...I would agree that SA2's gameplay (with Sonic/Shadow anyways) were very well done versus SA1. But seeing how SA2 was so short, repetitive and had awkward progressions, it's not really something I'm too keen in going back to playing, unlike SA1.

SA1's gameplay isn't as polished, but damn does it give you a good time (as much as it can) playing through everyone's stories.

So yeah, enough badgering of the sequel.

So does this live up to the nostalgia?
When you have the mods...yes. You cannot play this game without doing this game justice. Make it widescreen, fix the minor graphical glitches and you're in for a treat.

What? You can't get steam achievements if you mod the game? Whatever.
I'm not here to get achievements; I'm here to re-live my childhood, dammit!

And it's just how I remember the gameplay for every character I played.

Gamma is awesome.
BIG is eh.
Amy is cool.
Sonic is okay to eh.
Knuckles can ♥♥♥♥ off.

Tails is the way.
Tails is life.

Tails is undoubtedly the best character to play in this game, just like how he has always been since Sonic 2.
"Hey Sonic, you can run fast? Yeah, ♥♥♥♥ that. I can FLY!"

Tails was always the best to me not just because I can twirl him like no other, but man, he was (and is) just so fun to play. He's fast paced, can shortcut levels like a beast, and can bboy harder than Knuckles' theme.

Hell, even his interaction with Eggman just seems so much better than Sonic's campaign. Eggman's dialogue towards Tails, significantly feels more threatening than he does towards Sonic, as if Tails was the one to fear.

This game should have been called "Tails Adventure + SO (S.O. = significant others)."

...what?

Oh yeah, the game.

So yeah, it has its ups and downs like how you remember it to be, but this game is still a force to be reckoned with, and I'm glad I bought this game along with NIGHTs, which I'm also looking forward to playing after my thorough playthrough with this one.

If you don't care for achievments, find and download the "better SADX" mod.
You won't regret it.

You like tanks?
You like Tron?

Then stay away from this game.
This game is absolutely one of the worst dragged out games I have played.

Basically, this game deals with a man named George who is instructed by his doctor to be on medication and to use a virtual reality helmet to help pass the time.

So George puts on the VR, and finds himself in a Tron world, where after running across football stadium's worth, he's suddenly imprisoned.
A lot of confusion in the story takes place, and you are instructed by your red overlords to ride tanks to the leader, Gorgon, to...get annihilated by Gorgon himself.

Yeah, I don't understand what the story is, nor do I have the tolerance to frustrate myself to understanding. And I'm the type of person who's all for story.

And just like the story, the gameplay is not that impressive either.
It's basically a tank shooter where your objective is to complete whatever your mission is. The tutorial first starts you with a "capture the flag" type of mission, where your job is to grab the red key and bring it back to your base.

Unfortunately, the gameplay is very underwhelming, and you would get a better kick out of a game like World of Tanks instead, and that game is free mind you.

With this game only being single player, too dragged out of dialogue and an uninspiring gameplay to boot, I can't recommend this game to any of my friends, or anyone in that matter, regardless if you're a die hard Tron fan that loves tank games.

So I got this as part of an indie bundle of 8 other games for $1.50, and upon looking at the store page, I became worried.

Barely touched on steam for two and a half years and already had mixed reviews, I approached this game today with caution. The opening was cute. I liked the pop-art style intro. It reminded me of something like Little Big Planet.

Then I saw those things up close.
Those...creepy, soulless eyes...begging to die.

Space Ark is basically an Arkanoid game (hooray for puns), where you bounce your Little Big Planet knockoffs around and about hitting objects this game calls "DNA" and helping these creatures restore there planets to its (un)rightful glory.

I was very skeptical about how this game would be, especially with how the screenshots were kind of a turnoff. But honestly, this game wasn't too bad. In fact it got a little challenging, because not only are you controlling your yoga ball around the stage, but you also have control in navigating your sock puppets that you call "animals."

Granted, it's not as challenging as other arkanoid games that you can find here on steam, such as Ionball, but if you like to have color in your environment and like bouncing up and down cute...soulless...evil...creatures, then you'll enjoy this game.

Though at a price tag of $5, I say wait, look for a sale, or look somewhere else.
This game is worth no more than your typical dollar app, and shouldn't be priced any higher than that.

Other than that, I (personally) can't recommend this game to anyone I know that is into arkanoid but likes this type of theme.

p.s. This game cannot be played at full screen, so that's another thing to note about.

At the time of this post (November 25, 2014), there's a 250,000 steam key giveaway still going on that opened on November 9th, 2014 that VG247's website shared. You can find it here: http://www.vg247.com/2014/11/09/free-250000-steam-keys-giveaway
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Culling of the Cows is a 2D sidescrolling Tower of Defense shooter where your job is to fight against zombie cows, bear/badger hybrid thingies and a Nazi UFO.

Other than the occasional assist and being able to buy upgrades that you can earn by killing the zombie animal apocalypse, that's pretty much all you need to know.

The game is mildly enjoyable for a bit, and then quickly gets repetitive afterwards.

There are better tower defense games out there that definitely grab your attention better, and you can play a few out there that are free than buying this game (assuming you don't plan to take advantage of the link above or the link expired by the time you've read this review).

But that doesn't mean this game doesn't hold its own merit either.

Culling of the Cows can definitely be fun for a good portion of tower defense fans, and can probably get a kick out of playing your stereotypical redneck that lost his mind, possibly due to getting probed or losing his mind by wearing foil in the sun to communicate with the "Greenies."

The only thing that stops me from recommending it to people is its price tag. At the time of this post, it's $12.99. I don't know about you, but ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that's too much for a game like this.

I'm not sure how long the giveaway will last, but you're better off getting this for free right now. Otherwise, skip this game until it gets a huge price chop.

Larva Mortus is your typical top down shooter that focuses on a horror theme of sorts, throwing at you every demonic creature in the book: zombies, skeletons, bats, spiders and even demons and vampires.

There isn't too much that makes this game stand out from other games like Alien Breed, but it's most certainly not a terrible game like RIP either.

Larva Mortus' story is decent. It's not terrific (and really not my cup of tea), but this indie game obviously shows it's trying to be something, which is almost enough for me to give it a gracious thumbs up.

If you're a die-hard top shooter fan, then this game may just be for you, and would recommend people this game for its variety of weapons to use in game.

This is a review for the "test" version.

From what is gathered from this game...

You play as a robot, and your job is to solve puzzles to get puzzles. Wait, what does that even mean?

Basically, there are puzzle pieces on invisible conveyor belts, and your job is to grab them so you can access to more areas that require to solve the area that's provided for you.

Your objective becomes clear as soon as you solve your first area.

*spoilers commence*

Talos Principle deals with the idea with combining futuristic technology and religion together into one oxymoron, where it sounds like the story is dealing with man playing as God with man-made machines, something where most game devs don't dive into that much, or at least not as well as this game has given for a sneak peek.

You were created by ELOHIM, your "Maker", and claims that you walk on his "garden." He tests your will to see if you are worthy to meet him in his temple by making you solve his puzzles.

As soon as you solve all (apparently) four puzzle areas, you're teleported into a cathedral, and in this cathedral, there are 6(?) more portals you have the option in going into for the full release of this game.

The game ends with you going through a big door and into a white bright light. (Symbolism...!)

*spoilers over*

It's a very challenging puzzler that got me thinking to more than just about the puzzle, and left me pondering about a few things and wanting to learn more about the story.

And in terms of technical graphics, really love how the game looks so far, and if the graphics get better by the time the final version comes out, then all the more impressed. My settings were on the following:

CPU speed: Ultra
GPU speed: High
GPU memory: Ultra


All in all, I really like this game and look forward to its full release.

Pool Nation is a your run-of-the-mill billiards with impressive physics and graphics.

I haven't played pool since I was at a christmas party with my relatives back around 2007, and playing this type of game brought back some nostalgia for me.

This was my first in a very long time playing a billiards video game, and I'm talking a looong time...like around when Sega Genesis was still new and Sonic 3 hasn't even come out. I think I was only...what, five years old during the time?

In any case, the controls took some getting used to, but after about 10 minutes into playing "9 Ball", everything felt natural.

The camera angles give a nice sense of realism, and if adjusted correctly, you feel as if you're holding the pool stick yourself and hitting the target...with psychic eyes in seeing guidelines.

The physics in this game felt just right for me, where like real pool, speed and precision matter when banking shots, as well as how you plan to hit the ball, such as curving and hopping.

The graphics added a nice sense of realism to the game, and the crisp clear look on each ball gave the game a nice type of brilliance. The only thing I question is that every ball has a reflection, which is very awkward to me, since I know actual billiard balls aren't that reflective in real life. But I'm being anal at that point, and you might as well add scratches to the balls and pool table, and make the atmosphere bleak.

Yeah, that's real pool right there, but I'm digressing at this point.

Overall, with the different types of modes in the game, and the option to play with a friend or online, this game is pretty solid, and I would recommend this game to any of my friends that want to play a billiards game without the need of pissing off pool owners for scratching up the leather.

Summary
A wonderful little indie game that takes simple platforming mechanics and makes it very creative.


Detailed Review
You play as a space astronaut that has the ability to...well...defy gravity. You have your typical jump mechanics, and even the double jump ability.

What makes this game really fun is your weapon.

You have the ability to either create two types of vortex: a blue or orange vortex. The blue vortex will suck you and other applied objects into/around the hole, while the orange vortex repels anything that comes near it. In a sense, the game's kind of like Portal.

And other than you having the ability to shield yourself from these vortexes time to time, that's all you really need to know, and traverse across the stage and through a door onward to the next stage.

The game can escalate pretty quick as each level you pass, but when you land on a certain platform, the game checkpoints you on that section, allowing you to continue from where you left off before you self-destructed. This makes the game's awaringly increased difficulty much more tolerable, and you're not left raging into your favorite pillow pet.

With the simple mechanics and the wonderful soundtrack that I'm quite hooked into, and its very low price of a $3 retail, I'd say this game is a must buy. And if you happen to find this game on sale, then even better. (I got this game for literally $0.29, and easily made up for it through steam cards. So its as if I got to play this neat indie for free.)

It's not the best looking out there, but what it lacks in graphics completely makes up for gameplay.