Recent reviews by Bahnana Toast

Great game brought down by political agenda.

Please don't force feed your supporters/fanbase with your own ideologies.

As a Naoto main, I would get carpal tunnel on the PS3.

With the PC release, I can finally achieve complete disability in glorious 60 fps and slash my face with my keyboard to get that extra 0.2k dmg.

Could I just listen to the same music that's been uploaded on Youtube?

I could.

But why do that when you can support the devs for this awesome game by tossing more money for the lovely music?

This entire track fills me with inspiration with creating artwork when I'm not playing, and that's more than enough for me to simply throw bills into the steam abyss.

If you love maple leaf wielding priestesses wearing thigh-highs that turn into cats 2D metroidvania platformers with a selective amount of challenge, then this game is defintely for you, and will leave you to wanting more at the end!

I shoved my fiancee into a pit of spikes to create a platform for myself.
We broke up soon afterwards.

I look back and ponder of the road not taken.

10/10
Would choose to throw her at dogs instead.

Summary review
This game's title is misleading, as it is anything BUT.


Detailed review
So after doing careful studying and playing for 12-ish hours straight...this is all I can say about for this game:

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THE KINGDOM OUT TO GET MY PINK LOLI ASS IM ONLY 14 YEARS OLD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

STOP TRYING TO RAPE ME GEEZERS I KNOW IM JAILBAIT SO STAHP IT

DOES IT LOOOOK LIKE I KNOW MONEY

ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE IS A PRETTY PRINCESS THAT IS LOVED BY HER PEOPLE BUT NOOO I CANT HAVE WHAT I WANT BECAUSE I DIED TO INSULT FOR HAVING TWO LEFT FEET

♥♥♥♥ IT IMMA REINCARNATE AND GO TO THE GRAVE SITE TO MAKE MYSELF SAD

I JUST WANTED TO GO TO MY RELATIVE'S PARTY STAHP ARROWING ME

OMG I'M THE DUMBEST ♥♥♥♥♥ EVER WHY AM I PUSHING THE ARROW FURTHER INTO MY LUNGS HOLY ♥♥♥♥ WHATS THE POINT OF EDUMACATING MYSELF IF I HAVE THE LIFESPAN OF A HAPPY TREE FRIEND APPARENTLY MY DAD IS TOO KING TO TEACH ME COMMON SENSE AT A YOUNG AGE THANKS DAD

YEAH I MADE IT TO THE PARTY ♥♥♥♥ YOU DANE COOK

YOU GUYS ARE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I GOT ARROW'D FOR ALL OF YOU IN AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION TO MAKE IT TO THIS PARTY ♥♥♥♥ THIS GONNA GO BACK TO THE GRAVE SITE AND MAKE MYSELF SAD AGAIN

NO YOU PINK IDIOT I MADE YOU ATHLETICALLY HEALTHY ♥♥♥♥ YOU FOR GOING ON A CHEAT DAY AND DYING TO DIABETES

REINCARNATING AGAIN

OTO-SAN I KEEP DYING TASUKETE OH YOU CANT HALP CUZ I NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR MYSELF WOW YOU'RE THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DAD EVER YOU KNOW WHAT ♥♥♥♥ YOU MENTOR NEEDS ME BRB GOING TO HENSHIN W/O YOUR APPROVAL

ALL OF YOU SUCK DONKEY BALLS FOR DECLARING NAVAL WARFARE ON THIS 14 YEAR OLD DIVA IMMA GO MAGICAL SAILOR SCOUT ON ALL Y'ALL GET REKT-- OMFG I DONT KNOW HOW TO SWIM R U SERIUS YOU'RE A KAWAII PSYCHIC HORSEBACK RIDING BALLROOM BREAKDANCING ACCOUNTANT THAT DOES TAEBO ROCK CLIMBING DURING THE WEEKDAYS AND YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO DOG PADDLE FOR ♥♥♥♥ YOU MAJESTIC ♥♥♥♥♥

YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO SHOW THIS GAME TO MY FIANCEE AND MAKE HER RAGE JUST AS MUCH AS ME

HEY SWEETY YOU WANNA TRY THIS GAME YOU'LL DEFINITELY HAVE A BLAST
OMG MY FIANCEE BEAT THIS GAME ON HER SECOND ATTEMPT ♥♥♥♥ THIS IM DONE

So yeah, best dating sim I've ever played.
I'd definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a good time~

Gearcrack arena is your typical top-down shooter, where your abilities are to shoot and hack other enemies.

Honestly, the game is not that bad at all and I don't know why a lot of people gave it downvo--oop! Got all the steam cards from this stupid game.

Yeah, avoid Gearcrack like the plague unless you're in it for the steam cards , and decide to sell it back to net you profit (assuming it's still $0.09 the time you see this).
Otherwise, ♥♥♥♥ this game.

Summary Review
Hope you like hearing farts, because that is what this game is: a giant fart.

Detailed review
You play as Dino, a knight that's gone full blown potato and dawdled into a vortex of wacky mischief, and your objective is to collect the required items and enter the vortex into more ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ adventures before time runs out on the bottom of your screen to (sometimes) please the gods.

"Why are you pleasing the gods?"

Well...I don't know. More importantly, why are you potato?

Canyon Capers is your classic platformer, except you're allowed to get hit more than once and (from what I've seen so far) allowed to die infinite times, which defeats the purpose of all the extra hearts that you can find lying around the stages.

Dying is not the kicker though. Your real enemy is the clock.
If time runs out before you can gather all the items, you'll have to start over collecting everything for that stage, which can range from "Oh, that's not so bad" to "FML".

One of my personal least favorite platformers to date is a game called 8BitBoy.
So when I saw this game, I said to myself "Huh...will this game make me appreciate 8BitBoy...!?"

I went into playing Canyon Capers expecting to be monstrously more disastrous than the other indie platformer I've mentioned, and honestly...it wasn't as bad as I expected, but it's still pretty terrible.

I expected this game to one shot you and make you start over from the very beginning, but this game is actually kind enough to start you back up from where you last stood a few seconds ago, which is something I really appreciate over 8BitBoy's death mechanics.

However, two of the biggest turn offs in this game are the designs for this game and the SFX.
Designs amazingly look worse when in motion versus looking at them through screenshots, and the SFX is something to be undesired.

When you jump on snakes, they make fart noises.
I don't know why that's even a thing.

It was amusing for the first snake or two, but then I got incredibly annoyed by the noise immediately.
And then there's the BLBLBLBLBL SFX when you get hit. Just as annoying as the fart noises, and it comes more frequently as you progress.

In the end, I came here expecting to be disappointed, and the results did not disappoint.

So yeah. Unless you're just here for the steam cards, stay away from this game.
And if you were planning to buy this, definitely stay away from this game, and save that money to buy something more worthy.

You want a retro platformer with challenges that badly?
Look up "You have to win the game."

That game is free on steam, and is by far one of the best retro platformers I have ever come across, and you'll definitely get a kick playing an hour or two with that game versus this potato of a platformer.

Summary Review
A slow 30~45 minute pickup to one of the best adventure sandboxes I have ever played.



Detailed Review
A friend of mine gave me his two cents to stay away from the game because he exclaimed that it was boring and frustrating to start up, followed by a lot of "XD" emoticons from him afterwards.

I took his advice for a good while, until I started assessing the kinds of games he's into, which tends to be a majority of future Sci-Fi and/or Military themed FPSs and RTSs, as well as any other miscellaneous games where he can find to joke about.

No offense, but while I don't mind playing those kinds of games now and again, they're honestly one of my least favorite genres and themes to play under. With this game having over 55,000 positive reviews and with my friend's game recommendation at a low with me, I decided to give this game a go.

The first 35 minutes of gameplay was a struggle, only because of my lack of knowledge and what I can do. With a zombie horde suddenly on my tail, I felt uneasy knowing I wasn't given too much time to assess the controls.

However, once daybreak hit, I started to strategize on protecting myself better, and soon made a little bunker to defend myself better for next time.

The game made me appreciate basic survival, and wondered "What else I could make for next time?" So I went out to gather more some wood, and built a house with my fiancee.

17 hours later, we had a system going.

I went to gather resources and she renovated the house like your stereotypical husband and wife. We have a two story house so far, with each room organized with furniture and chests, zombie banners placed on both sides of the house to tell the undead to piss off, and a trashcan to put away our tombstones, and set up a sign saying, "Death is not an excuse; pick up your trash and throw it away."

This game is by far one of the most amazing games I have ever played. A perfect example where graphics don't need to be everything. All you need is some patience and a lot of imagination.

Terraria is very enjoyable even in single player campaign, where your character and your world can be taken into multiplayer at any given point and time.

If you're not familiar with port forwarding and finding your IP address, then you might need to look up some youtube vids or google up how to do it if you like to share you character and your world.

It only takes a few minutes to set up, assuming you don't stumble into troubles such as Windows Firewall being a ♥♥♥♥, where at that point, you'll need to make TerrariaServer.exe open.

All in all, this game has been one of the most entertaining games I have ever played to date. If you love being fun and creative, then please consider getting this game.

Even at $10, this game will give you many things to do and will keep you entertained for hours on end, something where I can barely say for a vast majority of indie (and even AAA) games that I have played. And if you can catch this game for a super low price of $1.99 next time, you really need to try the game out.

Unmechanical is a neat little platformer that requires you to solve some puzzles with the help of realistic physics.

Not much to say about this game, except that it was a fun ride.
There were a couple of puzzles that had I admittingly got stumped on, but it was still enjoyable for me.

I generally don't have problems when reviewing puzzlers (...so far) and this game is no different. If people can find a sale on it, I would kindly recommend this game to them. $10 is kinda steep for a game that isn't that long, and would recommend people to buy it around $6 or lower.

All in all, a nice puzzler to add to any puzzler's collection.