Recent reviews by Bad Seafood

You know that scene in a Beautiful Mind where John Nash's wife finds his conspiracy shack wallpapered in string and newspaper clippings? As she runs back through the woods to report him to the authorities for being off his meds, have you ever thought to yourself, "Well that's rude, he was almost done!"

Congratulations. Factorio is the game for you.

Concrete Jungle's an isometric puzzle game disguised as a city-builder. Now when I say puzzle game, I feel I should clarify, I mean of the "Arcade" variety, not unlike Tetris. It's easy to learn, difficult to master, and pretty addictive; play it forever.

In Concrete Jungle you take on the role of a city planner, placing down buildings, creating blocks. Your ultimate goal is to drive up the property value of certain tiles, whose points you collect by placing down homes. Hit the target, win the column, rinse, repeat. Clear several columns in a row for a bonus. If you can't clear a column, sorry, game over (though expert play can earn you a life).

The game comes with a campaign to teach you the ropes and unlock new characters, each with their own playstyle. It's a tidy presentation with an understated charm. I cleared the whole thing in about 20 hours. Then I bought the game again on my phone so I'd have something to play on the subway.

I stumbled upon this game completely by chance, and it's quickly become a back-pocket favorite. For the price of a good lunch, this game's a steal. If you've any interest in puzzle games, city-builders, or hidden gems, buy this game.

The sequel to Resident Evil 4's inventory system you've all been waiting for.

I've stayed up nights, trying to think how to sell people on Killer7. I've considered gimmicks, joke reviews, the like. In the end, I decided the best way to sell people on Killer7 is simply telling them what Killer7 is. If you already know what Killer7 is, your only question is "How's the port?" The port's fine. No prompts for mouse and keyboard controls in the tutorial though.

Killer7 is an on-rails stop-and-pop shooter puzzlebox with cell-shaded graphics where you control the Smith Syndicate, a team of elite assassins who all share one body, as they cleanse the world of Heaven's Smile: a monomaniacal legion of hysterical, invisible, vaguely reptilian suicide bombers in the employ of an immortal man from Mongolia who will never forgive the West displacing the East as a major world power player.

In Killer7 you will run forwards and backwards, sniping giggling terrorists in their obvious weakpoint, hoping to drain their blood so you can improve the Smiths' abilities, trying not to think about how your aging, wheelchair-bound boss is verbally, physically, and even sexually abused by his maid as you hunt down zombie politicians, organ-harvesting gunmen, weeaboos, the Power Rangers, and thrill-seeking cult leaders with collectible bottle caps. You will swear a lot. The Smiths swear a lot. They can also leap tall buildings, solve mysteries by slitting their wrists, and headbutt bullets out of the air. You cannot do these things. Please do not do these things.

If you're stuck for progress, or even if you aren't, you can talk to one of the many ghosts living in your head: the remnant psyches of your previous targets, haunting you forever, teasing you with information. There are also robot pidgeons. The bird coos before it flies.

In a world where the Internet and ICBMs are illegal, comicbooks predict the future, and everyone is voiced by Steve Blum, our only hope lies with the Smith Syndicate, the Killer7. In the name of Harman...

Super Hot Fire Teaches Typing.

"Do you believe in magic, in a young girl's heart?"

No.

*****

Umineko no Naku Koro ni, "When the Seagulls Cry," is a Japanese visual (or "Sound," rather) novel written and illustrated by Ryukishi07, i.e. the Higurashi guy. If you don't like visual novels and think they're just clogging up Steam's new releases, this game probably won't do much to change your mind. If you've even a little patience for or interest in the medium, however, you're in store for something special.

Umineko is a murder mystery, one the reader is actually expected to solve, or rather is capable of solving should they put their mind to it. In this sense, it is much more a game than one might initially give it credit for. Many authors during the Golden Age of Detective Fiction considered their works to be "Games," long-form logic puzzles in prose form complete with rules and regulations governing what was and wasn't fair to expect from the average reader. Umineko takes this sentiment to heart, earnestly wearing its inspiration on its sleeves. The murder mystery provided in Umineko is not an easy one – and you’re not yet able to check your answers in the back with this release alone – but the experience of trying to crack it is still worthwhile. If possible, I'd recommend playing though it alongside a friend to compare notes and observations. I'd also advise keeping a notebook and pencil handy, but that's just me.

Even if you've no mind for mysteries, however, the core story and characters are still quite compelling. Some will find the game to be a slow starter, but hey: you bought a visual novel. Them's the breaks. There's a lot more to say here but I'll let the game keep some secrets.

Instead I'll comment on the music, the glue that holds Umineko together. As I mentioned at the start of this review, Umineko's more of a "Sound" novel than it is a "Visual" novel, and was even marketed as such in Japan. I'll not mince words: Umineko's OST is fantastic. The tracks themselves are excellent and memorable on their own merits, but when paired up with the game they really elevate the experience. Umineko's writing is fairly on-point in terms of telling the story it wants to tell, but the exact wording and phrasing of things is sometimes a little clunky. It is then the music which compensates, adjusting the tone and shaping the reader's mood. It is absolutely my favorite video game soundtrack, and anyone who turns it off or down or replaces it or tries to play with broken speakers is doing themselves a huge disservice.

On the artsy end of things, this release comes packed with Ryukishi07's own original art alongside some updated character portraits stripped from a pachinko machine. The new art is uneven and not nearly as good as the PS3 release's - there'll probably be a fan patch for that at some point. The old art is, putting it politely, "Crude," but full of personality and its own homespun charm. It's certainly how I'll be replaying the game.

Finally, it should probably be be noted that this is only the first half of Umineko, but it still constitutes a full-bodied game well worth the price of admission.

A real video game; perhaps the realest.

A game I am possibly never going to play again for the rest of my life.

Not a good game.
Not a good CYOA.
Not a good story.
Not a good sequel.
Not a good dog.
Music's okay.

I've always wanted to use the word ludonarrative in a review.

The singular satisfaction of broadsiding a mailbox with an atomic-powered baseball bat.