Funny incident that happened after I joined a new company 2 weeks ago :
So I had to take a huge piss right? But I was in the middle of an important meeting and I couldn't just up and leave, so I had to hold it in. Anyways two hours later I was absolutely bursting to go and I barely even made it to the urinals. I started pissin and there was this explosion inside me, I guess it was my bladder, and there was suddenly blood and piss shooting out everywhere like I'm a fu*king jet. I just didn't feel like dealing with it then so I superglued my penis shut. But apparently that wasn't enough cause my penis just shot off me like a cork on one of those champagne bottles, ricocheted off the wall and flew into my neighbour's mouth. He started choking on it and everyone else in there was looking at me strangely so I looked around and I said "the f*ck you looking at"? Everyone screamed and ran out. By then the dude had choked to death on my schlong. I needed a new one badly but I didn't want to get mine out from out of his throat, it would be all gross and coated with spit. So I took out my pen knife, chopped his d*ck off, and glued it on. At least my pp was 2 inches longer now. By this time the blood and piss was pooling on the floor and starting to flow out the door into the hall. Well now I couldn't have that so I ran out quick and shut the door. But it started to stink up the halls and everyone was asking me what that smell was. And I mean I'm not one to lie so I pulled my pants down and showed them. Everyone screamed and ran away too. I looked down. I guess I must have been blinded by the pain cause I'd attached his fu*king thumb instead. My body, not to be one-upped by some strangers thumb, shot it off again and this time the blood and piss was too voluminous to even notice before everyone was ankle-deep in it and fainting from the stench. Didn't take long before they all drowned in it. I couldn't stick around to be arrested for manslaughter so I carjacked a stripper and drove to a plastic surgeon to get my face changed so I wouldn't have to live with the embarrassment and/or criminal charges.

Anyways, how's your day been?