Bionic Cheese Grater
United States
 
 
I'm taking a try at adulting.

So far, nothing's exploded, so I call that a success.
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Before I start my review, please note:
This game is worth every penny. Buy it.

If you still need convincing, I'd be happy to oblige.

Performance & Presentation

Every deal has a price, and you're gonna need a real good computer to make this work. Lower-end specs can and probably will get the game running on lower settings, but it's very likely that your price tag for BG3 will be a little or a lot higher than the 60 buckeroons the game itself costs. Despite this, the game runs pretty damn smooth most of the time. Even when you dump the settings down to their lowest, it's still a pretty game, and good specs will keep it chugging at a smooth 60 frames or higher. Every corner of the Forgotten Realms is lovingly rendered, down to the sofa cushions.

The soundtrack has also replaced my brain's white noise and keeps tempting me to do terrible things.

Setting

Captured by powerful psionic monsters, escaping alive by the skin of your teeth - lost, confused, and seemingly doomed. All the while, conspiracies spin, plots are in motion, with you trapped in the middle of a game of gods, devilish schemes, and grand designs. Thankfully, your journeys don't have to be alone! Whether you're venturing alongside a sassy cleric, a flamboyant vampire, or up to three of your favorite sociopaths in some clownshow-tier co-op, it's up to you and your (entirely optional) band of misfits to venture down the Chionthar River, find a cure, survive, grow, and conquer. And maybe get some along the way, if you're lucky.

The game offers a diverse roster of well-written, occasionally silly characters to play as, each with their own unique backgrounds and personal quests to pursue. Each one can be romanced if you're feeling social, ruined if you're feeling parasocial, and murdered if you're feeling antisocial. Among such characters comes the option to create your very own abomination upon god's green earth. Want to spice up your custom character even further? Give them the "Dark Urge" origin, offering new story beats, new mechanics, new depression arcs, and new ways to embrace the inner murder hobo inside each and every one of us.

But it isn't just your potential allies and bedfellows that are dripping with character or...

other things.

Whether or not you're a Dungeons & Dragons fan, the world of Faerun is teeming with life - filled with surprises around the corner ready to amaze, disturb, entertain, or straight-up kill you. Usually some combination of the four, and be prepared for an "All of the above"-type situation.

Gameplay

Even if you're new to D&D, the dice-based mechanics is easy to pick up and fun to break wide open. From conversation, to combat, to exploring the world, your fate is in the hands of that ever-present 20-sided dice, whether you like it or not. But that doesn't mean you can't stack it in your favor; the twelve classes available to you in BG3 have their own flavor to bring to the table, and interact with the world in their own unique ways.
Do you enjoy talking your way into and out of trouble? The charismatic Bard is an easy face for your adventuring party, and provides some lovely tunes for the trail.
Want to join the exclusive Shadow Wizard Money Gang? BG3 offers the spellcaster for you, from business-causal warlocks, "just born different" sorcerers, or "built incorrectly" wizards.
If you're in the neighborhood to take "right to bear arms" to the figurative and literal extent, the ranger and druid have you covered respectively.
Maybe you lean more towards brawls than banter? The classic fighter may be up your alley.
Want to join god's fan club? The cleric offers support with a side of violence, and the paladin offers violence with a side of support. If the enemy's not dead, you're not praying hard enough.
Want to align the enemy's chakras? Reach enlightenment, and uncomfortable levels of DPS, with the help of the monk.
That lock or enemy spine giving you trouble? Call up a rogue for the dirtiest backshots.
Or maybe you prefer a more hand-on lockpicking approach? The barbarian is here to solve your most practical problems, and the solution is violence. Nothing can't be solved by punching it.

Each class in BG3 has something to bring to the party, and can even multiclass to unlock some interesting synergies. Multiclass your fighter with a touch of rogue for versatility, give your warlock two dommy mommies by multiclassing into a paladin, give your barbarian one level of wizard to learn every spell in the game, or even multiclass into every class for the authentic "background character" experience. The possibilities are nearly endless, especially with three unique subclasses for each class, as well as feats and magical items to make your character truly yours.

And if all that in broad strokes starts to sound a little daunting, then don't sweat the minutia. Just go with whatever is fun for you. Don't like your abilities? Respec everything! Even your companions. Experimentation is alive and well in BG3's mechanics, and you can always revisit your build to try new things, see what works, and cut out what doesn't.

When in doubt, remember the golden rule: If it's funny, it's a great idea.

Got your character? Good. Got a party? Great. Got a plan? Think again. BG3 can throw curveballs at you even on journalist difficulty, and punish you for recklessness. The name of the game is strategy, and while some fights can be straight-forward, others will require you to pay attention to what you're doing and think it through to the end. A normal playthrough will include, and encourage, mistakes, but higher difficulties will pull no punches and truly test your game knowledge. And don't think you're safe just because you're not in a fight. The Sword Coast is deadly to unprepared adventurers, and one wrong step can atomize your vampire twink before you even smell the smokepowder. Even the most benign conversations can have drastic consequences for your adventure down the line, both for you and your companions. You may not even realize what you've done, or what you haven't, until it's 20 hours after the fact, the bear is horny, and it's too late to save you.

Just remember that things will go wrong, and that's okay. At the end of the day, no matter how strong you are, nothing will save you from the random whims of the dice. It's all part of the experience, and sometimes it's worth seeing what happens when your 20 Charisma bard eats ♥♥♥♥ with a natural 1, while the 8 Charisma fighter gets roped into high-stakes pantomiming and aces that performance check. You can never truly anticipate what happens next, which makes it all the more intoxicating when the chips are down, everything's on the line, and you turn it all around with that one well-placed critical roll.

You can also pet the dog, and that's cool.

Conclusion

Baldur's Gate 3 is both a circus show where every performance is a clown juggling knives atop an increasing pile of clowns dead from knife-related injuries, and an unforgettable adventure that will leave you craving more. The replayability, alone or with friends, speaks for itself. I played through the game twice with a really close friend of mine, and even on a repeat playthrough, it never felt stale for a second. There's always something new to discover, some detail you never noticed, some person you can save or kill or feed to a spider, and each and every time, you'll always find yourself asking the question "Can I do this?"

And the answer is yes.