⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣴⣧⣤⣴⡖⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⢤⣴⣦⣄⣀⣴⣿⡟⢿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⠉⠉⠙⠻⠿⡿⠋⠄⠈⢀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠋⠉⠁ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣶⣿⣿⠿⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣶⣷⣿⡉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⠟⢿⣤⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄

In the year 130 BC Jon Arbuckle climbed atop a mountain, once he reached the peak he found two tablets made of stone. As Jon reached out to grab them lightning struck the tablets, once Jon had regained his vision he inspected the tablets further. There were now inscriptions glowing from the two tablets, and they smelled of lasagna. These tablets are what we base true ascension on, any deviation from these commandments will result in an instant kick from the Church of Garfield.
I - Thou shalt have no other gods before Garfield
II - Thou shalt not worship any objects other than lasagna
III - Thou shalt not use Garfield's name in vain
IV - Worship Garfield on Fridays
V - Honor all days of the week, except Monday
VI - Thou shalt not kill, unless it involves lasagna thievery
VII - Thou shalt commit acts of adultery
VIII - Thou shalt not steal another's lasagna
IX - Thou shalt not lie to any members of the Church of Garfield
X - Thou shalt not be jealous of another's lasagna recipes