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35 of 89 (39%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 27 May, 2016 @ 8:33am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 6:52am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 1:52am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 6:52am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 8:06pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 27 May, 2016 @ 12:12am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 29 May, 2016 @ 3:17am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 2:19am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 10:00am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 10 Oct, 2021 @ 5:16am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 13 Oct, 2021 @ 8:12am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 8:35am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 1 Oct, 2021 @ 4:16am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 10:16pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 8 Oct, 2021 @ 12:32pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 5:51am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 1 Oct, 2021 @ 4:14am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 2:11am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 1:52am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 2:17am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 27 May, 2016 @ 8:17am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 6:15am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 2:21am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 30 May, 2016 @ 2:03am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 8:08pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 6:19am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 6:42am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 8:18pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 6:48am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 5:51am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 10 Oct, 2021 @ 5:12am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 5:36am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 10:24pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 14 Oct, 2021 @ 3:53am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 30 Sep, 2021 @ 6:08am



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
0 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
6 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
0 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
4 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
2 / 3

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
7 / 30

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
11 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
23 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
27 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
3 / 10
+13

13 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked