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⠀⠀⠈⢿⡿⠟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⡟
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(:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) You have been visited by the Clam of Memes! Repost this 20 times in the next 3 milliseconds or get clamped! (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V) (:V)

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I'm not gay but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Bashar al Assad. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen, window watching him tighten his ass as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring down his long Giraffe like neck. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Assad. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love.

I've seen this guy play, he doesn't even use a monitor. He visualizes the map in a detailed rendering, completely in his mind. He has a biological wallhack; his godlike perception highlights all enemies within light-years. His eyes are closed as his mouse gracefully swerves across the table, making immaculate twitches as he flicks from head to head. The bullets that escape his Negev barrel are surgical; each making a deadly strike in between his opponent's eyes.

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