We are gathered here today to rejoice over The Hero Of American Lust.

All rise

The Cousin's Prayer:

Cousin, cousin
For thou hast been attacketh
For police have revolteth
May I inquire about a fair activity
Of Bowling.

For Roman Bellic had acquired the lands of a grime ridden studio apartment in Liberty City not so many years ago, He fled the lands of Russia, for he saw a city in need. Liberty City. He understood why so many had kept the angered lands of Russia as their own, but He knew that those lands would not sustain the needs of Him and his cousin, who did not want to play darts. During Bellic's campaign for titties he was held at bay by a dark and desolate man, who did not in fact like "Big American Titties." Vladimir wanted the world to be free of the chains of "BATs" and torture the men, women and children of Liberty City with knowlege that they would never again, enjoy the finest forms of entertainment in America. For Roman knew that only He alone would not be able to return titties to Liberty City alone, he would require the help of his Cousin, Niko Bellic.

For Roman had created a lie like none other, to persuade and arouse his cousin into entering The Tortured Lands of Liberty City with tales of money, big American titties, good forms of entertainment, bit American titties, and most importantly: Big American titties.
His Cousin was excited to come to The New Lands, with bated breath.

On the day of Cousin's coming, Roman recieved an epiphany. The strongest epiphany of all time, stating that "His Cousin, would go bowling and play darts and laugh over beers about Big American Titties, okthxbai". For his Cousin had other plans, plans of a brighter future.

For we shall remember Roman for the works of many brave men, and his mastery of the ancient art of Bowling. For he brought back American Titties into the world of tomorrow, not just for him, not just for Cousin, but for all.

St. Bellic's achievements:
+Creator of being able to see two titties at once
+Creator of bowling
+Local buffoon.