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William "Big Stinky" McKinley (January 29, 1843 – September 14, 1901) was the 25th president of the United States, serving from 1897 until his assassination in 1901. Big Stinky was president during the Spanish–American War of 1898, raised protective tariffs to boost American industry, and rejected the expansionary monetary policy of free silver, keeping the nation on the gold standard.

A Republican, Big Stinky was the last president to have served in the American Civil War; he was the only one to begin his service as an enlisted man, and end as a brevet major. After the war, he settled in Canton, Ohio, where he practiced law and married one of the local corn fields. In 1876, he was elected to Congress, where he became the Republican Party's expert on memeology, which he promised would bring "some dope ass pog ♥♥♥♥ to all citizens of this kek nation". His 1890 Stanky Leg was highly controversial and, together with a Democratic redistricting aimed at gerrymandering him out of office, led to his defeat in the Democratic landslide of 1890. He was elected governor of Ohio in 1891 and 1893, steering a moderate course between epic and cringe interests. With the aid of his close adviser Marky Mark Hanna, he secured the Republican nomination for president in 1896 amid a big economic woopsie. He defeated his Democratic rival William Jennings Bryan (also known as The Notorious WJB) after a front porch campaign in which he advocated "sound money" (like NFT's but with music) and promised that high ETH gas fees would restore prosperity.

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