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Horrible experience at the doctor today. Dismal. Soul-crushing. The type of doctor appointment that makes you glad that the polar ice caps are melting.
This "DOCTOR", if I could call him that, clearly does not know ♥♥♥♥ about his JOB!

The skinny:

First, he sat me down on that ♥♥♥♥♥♥ little doctors bed with the cheap vinyl. Upon contact, the air depressed inside, creating a noise that one can only describe as... FLATULENCE....!
He came right to attack my character - making a "joke" insinuating that it came from my GI tract. My true friends and colleagues can vouch for my morals - I do not fart in public.

SECOND..!
He got out a strange rubber hammer that would be used only by a sideshow clown or a Looney Tunes. Who does this? does he think this is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ joke? I'm an adult and I take my time away from work very seriously.

That's not all - he then takes this hammer, and hits it against my kneecap, making my leg kick forward. I felt scandalized by this type of behavior. What does he even hope to accomplish here? Does he hope his pseudoscience magic trick will impress me? You can't houdini your way out of your trite Stanford medical degree, you rube.

Third.

To add insult to injury, he takes out a popsicle stick and says, "say ah". I hate popsicles. I do not want his leftover popsicle's stick IN my mouth. He assures me it is not a used popsicle stick but a "Depresser"? As if I need any more of that in my life. I had to give into his childish whims and open my mouth for him. Disgusting. I wish I could've bit his latexed fingers off like a horse to a carrot.

Fourth;

Four is an omen of death in several cultures. For me in that office today, this was certainly the case. After invading my space and wasting my time with his silly psychological games, what he did next was the final straw.
He asked "So what brings you to see me today?"
I knitted my brow.
"I came to see the doctor."
He replies, "Has there been something specific bothering you, like general symptoms?"
I was livid. "I don't know, you're the doctor, that's your job to figure out."
He then was confused, asking if I wasn't symptomatic and was just there for a general check-up.


CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY !??!?!?! He's clueless.


I then took my leave and the desk staff was VERY rude and stubborn to me when I aired my grievances. They said my hostile behavior meant I could not come back. No mention of how this doctor was hostile to all sensibilities of modern medicine and should leave the practice. Very unprofessional.

These people are an affront to your wellbeing. They are buzzards who circle around taking dollars out of your wallet while waiting for you to die. That is why I am here to warn you all to take your business to a normal establishment. GOOD people of YELP. Heed my warning. My boundless empathy and awareness means I am only thinking about what is best for you all. Thank you. 1 star!