Horrible experience at the doctor today. Dismal. Soul-crushing. The type of doctor appointment that makes you glad that the polar ice caps are melting.
This "DOCTOR", if I could call him that, clearly does not know ♥♥♥♥ about his JOB!

The skinny:

First, he sat me down on that ♥♥♥♥♥♥ little doctors bed with the cheap vinyl. Upon contact, the air depressed inside, creating a noise that one can only describe as... FLATULENCE....!
He came right to attack my character - making a "joke" insinuating that it came from my GI tract. My true friends and colleagues can vouch for my morals - I do not fart in public.

SECOND..!
He got out a strange rubber hammer that would be used only by a sideshow clown or a Looney Tunes. Who does this? does he think this is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ joke? I'm an adult and I take my time away from work very seriously.

That's not all - he then takes this hammer, and hits it against my kneecap, making my leg kick forward. I felt scandalized by this type of behavior. What does he even hope to accomplish here? Does he hope his pseudoscience magic trick will impress me? You can't houdini your way out of your trite Stanford medical degree, you rube.

Third.

To add insult to injury, he takes out a popsicle stick and says, "say ah". I hate popsicles. I do not want his leftover popsicle's stick IN my mouth. He assures me it is not a used popsicle stick but a "Depresser"? As if I need any more of that in my life. I had to give into his childish whims and open my mouth for him. Disgusting. I wish I could've bit his latexed fingers off like a horse to a carrot.

Fourth;

Four is an omen of death in several cultures. For me in that office today, this was certainly the case. After invading my space and wasting my time with his silly psychological games, what he did next was the final straw.
He asked "So what brings you to see me today?"
I knitted my brow.
"I came to see the doctor."
He replies, "Has there been something specific bothering you, like general symptoms?"
I was livid. "I don't know, you're the doctor, that's your job to figure out."
He then was confused, asking if I wasn't symptomatic and was just there for a general check-up.


CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY !??!?!?! He's clueless.


I then took my leave and the desk staff was VERY rude and stubborn to me when I aired my grievances. They said my hostile behavior meant I could not come back. No mention of how this doctor was hostile to all sensibilities of modern medicine and should leave the practice. Very unprofessional.

These people are an affront to your wellbeing. They are buzzards who circle around taking dollars out of your wallet while waiting for you to die. That is why I am here to warn you all to take your business to a normal establishment. GOOD people of YELP. Heed my warning. My boundless empathy and awareness means I am only thinking about what is best for you all. Thank you. 1 star!

Flipping~
Time to Flip!
Come on, who wants a footie?
We're doin' this!

You've heard it all.
Are you tired of being relentlessly harrassed? Beaten? Bruised?
BE VIGILANT.

A flip is more than it appears.

F. Feeling
L. Large
I. Indescribable
P. Pooties

Falling victim to Feeling Large and Indescribable Pooties is a long, dark, and lonely path. However you are not alone. BALLS will light the way. Be VIGILANT. Be AWAKE. Be READY. Be REAL. IT IS NOT AN IF, BUT A WHEN. YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL.

hello fellow ballspies. I have an important annoucnement about some troubling current events.

here at ballspies we are pro-choice! we supporrt the choices of our members, your free will is important in creating a healthy society.

However. it has been brought to my attention that a good handful of our members have been choosing to participate in a new social movement called Brat Summer.

there have been posts in the facebooks, members saying things such as:

• "in my brat era"
  
• "my new versace suit is so brat"
  
• "brat summer has been crazy! we laughed we cried and most importantly we no longer have ants in the break room."

this movement seems to be focused on celebrating a bratty lifestyle and this language has raised concerns about the social values and kind manners we promote here at ballspies.

so i am here to remind you that being a brat is not a choice you should make for yourself!

here is why;

• brats are young, immature, and have sticky candy coated fingers
  
• they throw tantrums at the grocery store
  
• they are spoiled, they break their nintendo ds on purpose and then scream for a new one
  
• they make their parents very tired and sad and call their dad mean names
  
• they own an ipad by age 6
  
• they push other children at the playground
  
• they made my experiences in the mcdonald play place a living hell
  
• many even steal money from their mothers purse with no permission!

i had my brat era ages 6-12. i was a menace.
so please. hav e a change of heart and cease the bratty behavior. we must now be upstanding adults to ourselves and others in this trying time. therefore, i am promoting a kind and mature alternative called BALLS Fall!

BALLS stands for: Be Always Loving Life Seriously !
this slogan is to promote a mature sense of patience, kindness, and love for the world and those who inhabit it!

when BALLS fall starts you can post things like:

• "life is awesome. i am having a BALLS! #ballfall"
  
• "i got BALLS on my mind all the time this fall"

you can even leave nice comments on other peoples posts such as:

• "Dude, your post is total BALLS!"
  
• "Hi Grandma, the new sweater you knitted me is really making my autumn BALLS!"

a much more versatile motto you can use for anything! your loved ones would probably not be very happy to hear their new puppy, holiday decor, or thanksgiving dinner was BRAT, yes?

The smiles and joy in these interactions will be a fond memory you will reminisce on for many years to come!

so please. grow up. christ

We are all one... isn't it beautiful <3
Don't tell your mother
Kiss one another
Die for each other
We're cool for the summer
Take me down into your paradise
Don't be scared, 'cause I'm your body type
Just something that we wanna try
'Cause you and I, we're cool for the summer

I cant. get. out.please