COCONINO COUNTY, AZ - A local resident in the Woods Canyon area reported he was recently assaulted by a man he could only describe as "some stoned hinjew shit pickle". The assault took place at House Sherwood, where the deranged assailant flung human feces around the rooms and shouted about police brutality and "some libertarian twaddle" to quote another eye witness, Mr. Pike.

"Yea I told him to stop wasting the turds, because we need those to make fertilizer. I guess he's in the early stages of psychosis or something eh bud?" Mr. Pike added.

Coverage on this story and news around the world continue tonight at 11 on WACE-420. News you can count on.