It has come to our attention that the toast is no longer with bodily functions. It is deceased. This is a problem. THEREFORE, we have decided to initiate protocol Alpha Poop in order to discover the cause of the situation.

This protocol is nothing to fear. It will only lead to the pillaging of your houses and rape/murder of your third and a half cousin/child.

If you have any inquiries, too bad, we don't want to hear the fumbling sound waves coming from your faces.

I say good day sir,

His Holiness II of A Place That Isn't Manchester,
Melon (Fat)

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