Desert Eagle by Jewish Global Industries[uncyclopedia.wikia.com] also known as The Hand Jam Cannon is the biggest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pistol you'll ever see in every action film, blasting away the good[uncyclopedia.wikia.com], the bad[uncyclopedia.wikia.com] and the ugly[uncyclopedia.wikia.com]. At least, this is what 12 year olds will tell you. In reality, the Desert Eagle is a terrible, impractical, malfunctioning piece of ♥♥♥♥ that is famous of jamming every five shots. This gun fires a .357, .44, or 50AE, all which can be fired from a practical, durable, reliable revolver. The Deagle may look badass, but you would be playing Russian Roulette if you attempted to commit suicide[uncyclopedia.wikia.com] with this weapon, because it only has a one in six chance of firing properly.

Why, you ask? We're glad you did. For several reasons:

• Being an automatic and firing a magnum round or 50 cal is a stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idea in the first place. It has more jam than Smuckers.
  
• The Deagle is gas operated, which causes malfunctions.

Being such a big piece, the DE has some know nasty side effects to it. Mainly, horrendous recoil. Having the equivalent of a 124Kg punch to it, the DE might cause some dire effects on its owners. The typical unprepared DE owner can be identified by having the following:

• Displaced shoulders
  
• A very big dent in their forehead
  
• No Arms
  
• Very long arms
  
• A disproportional large upper body
  
• Missing in counter strike
  
• Dis
  
• Brain damage, and under Common circumstances Brain death.
  
• Down syndrome
  
• Parkinson's disease.
  
• Erectile Dysfunction
  
• A Large Amount of ♥♥♥♥ in your pants.
  
• A feeling that you just got run over by 45 Trucks and then savagely beaten
  
• Death, because it will likely not fire properly and your enemy will kill you.
  
• Broken wrists.

• Anyone who claims to know anything about guns will always mouth off about the 'Deagle'.
  
• These people don't really know what they're talking about but it gives them what they perceive to be wang value.
  
• People who think they know about guns are irritating, avoid them and don't listen to them unless they actually do know about guns... otherwise you're just encouraging them.
  
• Under no circumstances should a small child ever have access to a DE UNLESS there is a very apparent existence of zombies within 500 miles of said child's location.
  
• The unaccurate piece of crap in Call of Duty 4, typically sought after by fat noobs, who have not yet become morbidly obese. WARNING: RECOIL CAN AND WILL BREAK YOUR SCREEN.
  
• The above is not true. Do NOT read any of the above sentence. If you have read it, then you need to take a Deagle and shoot your NOOB A$$ in the face. Its shiny.
  
• The above is not true either and was written by fat noob.
  
• Movies use this gun. They are posers.
  
• Anyone who ACTUALLY knows something about guns will most likely hate the Desert Eagle.