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Zennock 24 Aug, 2016 @ 8:35am
What do you think of this story?
The Hydarians

LORE
When the first of the Hydarians were born, the first thing they felt was not the hard shell of their eggs nor the wailing of the gigantic automaton that stood tall on top of their nest. Instead, the thoughts and desires of every other Hydarians enveloped them. The first few days were pure madness. Pain. Hunger. Curiosity. All was chaos. But the fate of the Hydarians was not meant to end so soon. A single voice projected through all other, silencing all of them. The voice spoke with great vigor yet at the same time was calm and even caring. It taught the Hydarians how to survive, it taught them how to learn, it taught them how to live in unity. With the help of the "Voice" the Hydarians prospered. However, all good things were not meant to last.

At the eve of the new year, as the Hydarians were planning to celebrate the being that had always been with them in their times of need the Voice was silent. The Hydarians were confused, was it a new lesson for all of them to learn? The sun eventually gave away to the moon, yet the Voice was not heard. Some of the Hydarians panicked, their doubts echoing through one another. Disunity appeared to reign once again. But the Voice had thought of this calamity and had taught one Hydari to be stronger, wiser, and greater than the rest. With a voice as strong as their beloved mentor, he silenced all Hydarians and proclaimed what has happened. There were no doubts, all was quiet. He continued, he promised that he'll lead the Hydarians to even greater glory. Doubt started to form once again, but the lone Hydari would not stop. With even greater magnitude he silenced them all again and spurned their skepticism. The Hydarians now have a new leader. Progress started to seek out what happened to the Voice, efficiency was key. As years went on and the Hydarians managed to built a machine that will allow them to transverse and conquer the stars. Decades since the Voice was silenced, but the Hydarians are determined to find their mentor.


Need feedback. Thanks in advance.


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Showing 1-11 of 11 comments
You're making a fantasy world, aren't ya?
Zennock 24 Aug, 2016 @ 8:40am 
Originally posted by Stake from Jate Farm:
You're making a fantasy world, aren't ya?
It's sorta for a competition. Likely I'll fail but I'll continue working on this story to help improve my english.
Vroomi 24 Aug, 2016 @ 8:42am 
I FUCKING CALLED IT.
novasunshine 24 Aug, 2016 @ 9:05am 
Originally posted by Kryztal:
I FUCKING CALLED IT.
Wut?
Zennock 24 Aug, 2016 @ 9:07am 
Originally posted by Ninten:
Originally posted by Kryztal:
I FUCKING CALLED IT.
Wut?
Basically, she assumed that I was the one who made this thread and when she did opened the thread and found that it really was me that made this thread. She was mad with glee.
Zennock 24 Aug, 2016 @ 9:10am 
Originally posted by The Intrepid Rock:
In feedback, whether this is a good review or not, meh.

This reminds me of a road trip movie, a kidnap movie, TMNT, and Warframe combined into one.
Right so. I can understand kidnap movie, TMNT, and warframe. But what about the Roadtrip movie?
Zennock 24 Aug, 2016 @ 9:13am 
Originally posted by The Intrepid Rock:
Originally posted by Zennock:
Right so. I can understand kidnap movie, TMNT, and warframe. But what about the Roadtrip movie?
Just strikes me how they're all grouping up to go conquer shit and seemingly going on wacky adventures along the way.
So I see. What do you think of the entire story in one word? Good or Bad?
novasunshine 24 Aug, 2016 @ 9:17am 
Originally posted by Zennock:
Originally posted by Ninten:
Wut?
Basically, she assumed that I was the one who made this thread and when she did opened the thread and found that it really was me that made this thread. She was mad with glee.
You can read it though. LAME!
novasunshine 24 Aug, 2016 @ 9:17am 
Originally posted by Zennock:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Rock:
Just strikes me how they're all grouping up to go conquer shit and seemingly going on wacky adventures along the way.
So I see. What do you think of the entire story in one word? Good or Bad?
gud
Vroomi 24 Aug, 2016 @ 9:20am 
Originally posted by Zennock:
Originally posted by Ninten:
Wut?
Basically, she assumed that I was the one who made this thread and when she did opened the thread and found that it really was me that made this thread.
That's because you PM:d me it just a few seconds before making the thread.
too long


































didnt red
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Date Posted: 24 Aug, 2016 @ 8:35am
Posts: 11