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1. Steal underpants
2. ???
3. Trade them on steam
4. Profittt!!!

I heard that the maintenance is scheduled once a day but I've only heard it through other people. I'd appreciate some kind of popup in the client (way ahead of time, each time) about a planned outage due to maintenance, otherwise I figure its just bad network code. This stuff happens possibly several times a minute, or a few hours. Sometimes it doesn't get disconnected at all (for days). It can last for about a minute... or for 20 minutes. No way to tell.

Speakers on? Plugged in? also try completely unpugging and plugging the wire to the computer as sometimes its not all the way in.
You may have also accidently hit the mute key on some of the fancier keyboards... or nudged the volume control from within Windows. There is also a volume setting for each "Application" under WinVisa/7 in the same volume control screen.
If your audio driver crashed, then reboot and see if you have any sound at all.

Same situation in California.

Now here's the funny part, even the admins (guys with starts) get disconnected. I guess they must not have a problem with that.

Nobody mentioned VIDEO GAMES yet!

Also this isn't the beginning of the end, or the end of the end...
this is the middle... of the beginning...

So if they (being computer illiterate) decide to download a virus accidently, you're kind of hosed.
Get a cheap crummy computer that is only for storing the game files and put your game on that. Technically thats also more efficiently purchased as a NAS(Network Attached Storage) box. I don't know how intense the network traffic will be, but steam would normally be loading this off your local hard drive.
Perhaps have a second internal hard drive that is only for steam games, that you only plug in when you're going to play. Otherwise only one drive would show up. (I'm assuming you have a desktop and can put two drives in there).

The Princess Bride was made into a video game. If you can find it, let us know if its any good. The fact they did this blows my mind. INCONCEIVABLE!

Another more literal mind-blower is Close Range (as reported by TheOnion on their YouTube page).

I'll be playing Natural Selection 2 (release date on Steam) and eating all the candy myself.

Once a steam game "License" for a "Subscription" to a game is tied to your steam account, you can download it as many times as you want on as many machines as you want while you are logged in with that account. No need to re-buy anything. If its yours now, it stays yours forever.
After you get each game downloaded then you're dealing with Win8's peculiarities (whatever those may be).

Also nobody is (yet) forcing you into Win8. I think you're giving in to the hype. The ONLY reason I moved away from Windows2000 was that L4D2 had a requirement for XP or later hard-coded into the game. I'm sure it would have worked fine if they took that OS NAME code out. I'm currently using Vista, but I could install NT if I wanted. Also Ubuntu Linux does an almost reasonable job at running most windows programs (although games support seems to need more work).

Step 1. Activate Steam Guard and unauthorize ALL machines. Then allow your current box(an email will contain the security code).

Step 2. Get someone with security knowledge to evaluate your computer and figure out if there are any scripts running or some form of remote control. (You might even get a speed boost out of turning stuff off and/or uninstalling). If you have any filesharing (limewire, torrent, windows sharing) that you didn't know you were doing kill it... WITH FIRE. If you have some form of webserver installed (That also includes checking for IIS) and you know you didn't do it repeat the above step(the one involving fire).

Step 3. Find a decent antivirus and do an extreme anal scan of every file once. Some default to only exe files, so look before you scan. (this will take hours)

Step 4. Change your steam and perhaps your Sindow's password and don't tell anybody else what it is or even what your steam/Windows login account name is.
The reason this is last is in case of keyloggers which should have been removed by a local nerd and/or the full antivirus scan. Otherwise you're just telling the new password to whoever it is.