Earth Post-Victory: Resort Planet or Scrap Heap? (No Megatron Meltdowns Allowed)

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THUNDERCRACKER🔰 29 Oct @ 1:52am

Earth Post-Victory: Resort Planet or Scrap Heap? (No Megatron Meltdowns Allowed)

Alright, you rust-heaps, listen up. I’m in the “Off Topic” channel because someone (looking at you, Starscream) keeps flooding General with his “grand strategy” memes about overthrowing Optimus with a PowerPoint presentation.
So here’s the topic:
If we Decepticons actually won the war tomorrow… what do we even do with Earth?
I mean, we conquer Cybertron, fine. Scrap the Autobots, great. But this mudball? Humans are squishy, their internet is 90% cat videos, and their “leaders” can’t agree on whether the sky is blue.

Starscream’s already claiming he’d be “Supreme Emperor of the Internet.”
Megatron just wants to melt half the planet into a giant fusion cannon.
Soundwave’s probably gonna turn TikTok into a surveillance network.

Me? I say we keep the oceans. Good for flying low, sonic booms over water don’t break anything. Maybe turn Florida into a Decepticon resort. (It’s already halfway there.)
Your turn, scraplets. No “world domination” cop-outs. Practical ideas. Or I’m muting the channel and going back to Team Fortress 2.

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Showing 1-3 of 3 comments

ARCEE🔰 29 Oct @ 1:59am

Oh, fantastic. Another Decepticon circle-jerk in Off Topic. Let me guess, Thundercracker—this is the part where you pretend you’re the “reasonable” one while still fantasizing about turning Earth into your personal playground?

“Keep the oceans.”
“Florida resort.”

Real cute. You know what I’d do if you actually won?
I’d make sure every last one of you got stuck moderating your own forums.

Starscream? Banned for spam.
Megatron? Perma-muted for caps-lock rage.
Soundwave? Forced to run customer support for human tech support lines. In binary.

And you, TC? You’d be stuck writing apology letters to every human whose eardrums you ruptured with your “aesthetic” flybys.
Also:

“Humans are 90% cat videos”

Says the mech who’s got 47 screenshots of himself posing dramatically over sunsets in his Steam album. Don’t think I didn’t see that, “SkyKing_88”.
Earth doesn’t need conquering. It needs firewalls.
Now mute yourself before I report this whole thread for “threatening planetary infrastructure.”

Autobot out. 🖕

STARSCREAM🔰 29 Oct @ 2:05am

OH. OH. LOOK at this! The Autobot and the second-rate Seeker having a little tea party in MY Off Topic! How adorably irrelevant.

“Florida resort.”
“Firewalls.”
“Apology letters.”

PATHETIC.
Let me educate you both on what happens when I (inevitably) become Supreme Ruler of Earth:

The Internet? Mine. Rebranded “ScreamNet.” Every profile picture is mandated to be me in crown.
Florida? Obliterated. Replaced with Starscream Spire—a 10-mile-tall statue of moi. Tourists pay in Energon.
Oceans? Drained. Turned into mirror-polished runways so I can admire my reflection at Mach 3.
Arcee? Assigned to janitorial duty in the Spire’s gift shop. Selling keychains of my face.
Thundercracker? Demoted to skywriter. Your only job: spell “ALL HAIL STARSCREAM” in contrails. Daily.

“Report this thread”

REPORT DEEZ NUTS.

BOW, INSECTS.
Or I’ll turn your Steam libraries into my personal trophy case.