Like the other vaporware greats - Routine, Mother 64, another Good Half-Life game - Monkey Mansion rests peacefully in my dreams.

Every day, I long to recover the priceless relics of a lavish 1920's Russian mansion without getting caught by the old pet proboscis monkey that was affected by the maniacal rituals performed there, and every day I am left wanting. Weeping. Wishing to feel the turgid, ragged breath of a moist proboscis caress my neck as I make my daring escape.

I am nothing without Monkey Mansion.