i just remembered i never left a review for this game, the most emotionally devastating, spiritually compromising, and legally questionable piece of media i've ever had the honor, the curse, the experience of consuming. gifted to me by two dear friends for my birthday, either as a prank or a group descent into madness. i pray they split the cost. this game is not a gift. it's an initiation.

a premium b00b experience. a top shelf t1tty terror. an 0p41 odyssey. this isn’t a game. it’s a lifestyle. a warning. a psychological evaluation.

the premise? simple. imagine slenderman. now delete slenderman. instead of being hunted by a faceless nightmare in a forest, you’re being seduced and publicly humiliated on a haunted cruise ship by a 7-foot-tall anime woman with impossible proportions and a jumpscare cleavage mechanic. and believe me when i say those are serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big ol' tonhongerekoogers, big bonkhonagahoogs. humongous hungolomghononoloughongous. you run around collecting sailor lore while being relentlessly pursued by the concept of puberty itself.

i played it twice, on stream, while friends sat there like victorian children watching a train explode. i screamed. i died. i died on purpose. not for the plot. not for the mystery. for the cutscenes. for the culture.

there are like 40 different ways to be violently flirted with by a siren. she gets more n4ked the longer you survive. it’s a reward system straight out of h0rny hell. by the end i unlocked bikini dlc, invisible mode (don’t ask), and got crushed by a butt in giantess mode.

would i recommend it? absolutely not.
do i regret it? not even once.
will i ever uninstall it? no.
it lives in my library as a warning, like a glowing red flag. as a conversation starter. as a legacy.
people scroll past and ask, “why do you own this.”
and i look them in the eyes and say,
“for science.”

safe to say i no longer speak to those friends. not because of this game, but ever since it entered our lives, our friendship began decaying like milk in a microwave. coincidence? perhaps. divine punishment? likely. it just awakened something in all of us, and we’ve never made eye contact since. they actually joined a monastery after watching me play this. just walked into the mountains and never came back.