Team Fortress 2

Team Fortress 2

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The Wild Wonders of Hightower
By laurence_xd
hightower is an amazing place im telling ya
   
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Quick Note
Before you comment dow below "oh but we already saw the hoovy, anti-fun engineer, hoovy and tryhard in your last guide noob lol xd dosent even have 300+ hours on the game hahaha" I'd just like to mention that, yes, i have talked about these creatures before, but it's because they can live in other places. For exemple: You can see the gibus sniper pratically anywhere, while the trolldier, can be seen MOSTLY in Hightower. Got it? din't? idc let's just go to the guide already.
The Trolldier
Starting off with the most popular creatures of hightower, the Trolldier can be found in every single game on hightower. These creatures have commited to use the meme spoon (A.K.A The Market Gardener) for the rest of their lifes, and 99% of all trolldiers use the rocket jumper with it. These creatures are amazing at rocket jumping, knowing every jump on hightower just to kill someone with their meme spoon. Altough they just hunt their pray normally, some of them has been seen doing 360s whille in the air, and our researchers have finnally concluded that these rare cases of "doing a 360" is infact an attempt to be the king of all trolldiers, making the best montage possible.
The Gibus Sniper
Ah, yes, the Gibus Sniper is also a common creature on hightower, they can easily be spotted if they are wearing the ghostly gibus (no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥) and 75% of those gibus snipers also wear the pyrovison goggles alongside with it. These creatures live their entire lives on the balcony of their teams base, having constant wars against other gibus snipers, to see who can miss the most shots. Most Gibus Snipers live for a short period of time however due to their predetor, the Trolldier, hitting these creatures with a shovel in a matter of seconds, leaving only time for the gibus sniper to realize it's now dead.
The W+M1
These are very, VERY annoying creatures that live in hightower. These creatures have only 2 buttons bind on their keyboard: W, and M1 (no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ again), making so that all they have to do is focus you down with their crappy flamethrower ignoring everything else just trying to kill you by holding W+M1. Although, these creatures have the smallest brain of all creatures of hightower (yes, it's even smaller then the gibus sniper's brain) Making so you can kill it easily. Unless you we'rent already killed or annoyed to death that is. So, i and our researchers have made a summary of the W+M1 Life Cycle:

Month N1: Has already bind his M1 key.

Month N3: Has already bind his W key, so he now runs around every day doing nothing

Month N7: They have found a flamethrower on the ground

Month N11: Day 2: They have found Hightower

Month N11 - Day 3: Got about 1-3 kills

Month N11 -Day 4: ded

The Conga Line
Although this species are extinct due to the fact that the tryhard species are increasing in numbers at an alarming rate in all of tf2, the Conga Line still appears sometimes on hightower. These creatures are very interesting, as they are follow the leader; beign the one that started the conga. As soon as the leader starts the conga, another player joins the conga, then another one, the another one, etc, reaching points so extreme that they can convert the whole server to do a massive conga line. Although in some extremly rare cases, they do not conga, but they do the kazotsky kick and the mannrobics. These creatures are extremly rare however, because if there is a single tryahrd/w+m1 pyro on the server, welp, you already know what happend.
The Hoovy
Although getting rarer ever yday, the hoovy is still a common sight in hightower, often staying near ammo and health packs, to attract more people to it. The hoovy is a harmless creature, giving sandviches so everyone they meet, so they can make new friends. The hoovy is getting rarer, however, due to the fact that W+M1 pyros and tryhards are killing them left and right non-stop in hightower. If you manage to find a hoovy, please, protect them as best as you can from the tryhards and W+M1 pyros.
The Trimping Demoman
One of our more interesting creatures on hightower, the Tripping Demoman is common-ish, So you can see them every 3-7 matches. The Tripping Demoman has found a techinique that makes them fly using the tide turner, and equiped with the eyelander, these creatures can kill anyone no matter where they are. The reason they can fly so well in very little time is still in research, put witnesses have said that they probably use a small hill to get the inicial boost to fly. Very rarely however, these creatures die in a very mysterious way, getting vote kicked out of the server for using "noclip" even tho all that there doing is flying and confusing people.
The Confused People
The most interesting and mysterious creatures in hightower, the confused people are, well, confused people (♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ way) that just wonder around hightower, doing nothing. The reason behind that they do this is still undiscovered, but witnesses have seen groups of confused people just staring at eachother, doing nothing, just very confused of why they are looking at eachother, and why they are all doing nothing. Researchers have proven that the Confused People species formed by 86% by people who just installed there game, and is on there first game on hightower. However, 12% Are experienced players in the game, and 2% have an unusual hat.
The Airblast Pyro
These little fuc- i mean these annoying creatures are born from hell, and sended to hightower. These annoying little creatures will often stay near the payload when it's near the edge, and when someone passes through, 2 airblast will often be enough for any enemy to fall to their doom. These creatures would definetly be awesome if they would only airblast cappers, w+m1 pyros and tryhards, but they airblast EVERYONE. These creatures are basicly the W+M1 Pyros brothers, as they commit DEEPLY into the act of using the airblast instead of the flames. These creatures only weakness are either scouts or other airblasting pyros.
The Tryhard
Growing at insane rates around all of TF2, the Tryhard are creatures that treat every single creature with the same punishment, death. These creatures don't care if the enemy are giving him sandviches all the time, if everyone is being friendly, these creatures WILL KILL YOU. Because of this, these creatures are often one of the most annoying creature in all of Hightower and TF2, because these guys will probably sacrifice themselfs IRL just to win a game (ok maybe not irl but you know what i mean). These creatures simply don't care about anyone and what they are doing.
You can often see a tryhard if: It's a scout with pink/lime cosmetics, a soldier with the team captain, sniper with the anger, spy trying to do trickstabs 24/7, and the list goes on and on.
The Cappers
Considered as the Tryhards brothers, the Cappers, instead of just killing everyone around them, these creatures will kill anyone that even dreams of considering to someday dream of defending the payload. These guys will do the insane to just touch the payload and move it. These creatures probably kill LORD GABEN HIMSELF just to push the cart by a meter. Sure, if you are a hoovy SOMETIMES, RARERLY BUT SOMETIMES these guys will ignore you, unlike the tryhards, who dont give a ♥♥♥♥. So if you see the capper species, i reccomend trolling him and staying atleast 30 meters alway from the cart.
The Battle Medic
One of the most bloodthirsty creatures in all of Hightower, the Battle Medic species is quite rare, but stills lurks around hightower. These creatures will NEVER heal anyone, the reason beign they have been traumatized by the E key. These medics got so traumatized that they have dedicated their intire lifes to kill anyone in it's path. But, many don't survive the first few days, because they still don't realize that their class is the exact OPPOSITE of a battle class. And most battle medics follow their king, ArraySeven, and have the same loadouts as him, because the are that dedicated to kill everyone in their path.
The Anti-fun Engineer
The most HORRIFYING creature of all of Hightower, the Mini-Sentry Engineer has left countless victims traumatized, as these creatures have forgotten the meaning of "FUN" long long ago. For this reason, the Mini-Sentry engineer will build a mini-sentry ontop of the hightower, covering the INTIRE MAP, and easily killing any Trolldier (vomits alot), but that's only the BEGINNING. These creatures will abuse that with the combination of the FRONTIER JUSTICE, getting a metric ♥♥♥♥ ton of crits, basicly 24/7 (vomits so much that room is flooded by vomit) and these guys will also abus the fact that the SHORT CIRCUIT, can delete any projectile, protecting it's born-from-hell mini-sentry alive at all costs (vomits so much that skeleton comes out). So, if you happen to find one of these satan-like creatures, switch to a direct-hit soldier IMMEADIATLY.
The Rancho Relaxo Engineer
EASILY the most lazy creature of Hightower, the Rancho Relaxo Engineer has a single goal in his life: Be Lazy. Often you will see these creatures in the most random of spots, drinking beer while doing nothing, watching the battles in the battlefield. Some witnesses have seen them in the highest of places, others have seen them cliping through walls, others have seen them outside the death box. These creatures are insane, and even more LAZY. And similiar to the battle medics, some Rancho Relaxo Engineers have a leader, Muselk, and some go as far as copying Muselks loadout.
The Sticky Jumping Demoman
Defininetly one of the more weird creatures of Hightower, the Sticky Jumping Demoman is quite common in Hightower, around the same rarity as the anti-fun engineer. These creatures have the dream to fly through the skys of Hightower, and they do it quite well actually. These creatures will often fly around with their sticky jumper (OMFG NO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ WAY) and 87% of Sticky Jumping Demoman also have the dream of beign a suicide demoman, so they carry a Ullapool Caber. They usually hunt for the braindead gibus snipers in Hightower, but they can hunt any pray. These creatures also has a small weakness however: They will completly ignore the fact that most of the time they jump into the entire enemy team thinking they can pull out a ShaDowBurn play and kill them all.
The Boxtrot Spys
Although EXTREMLY, AND I MEAN IT rare, the Boxtrot Spys still lurks around in Hightower. These creatures have one interesting characteristic tho: They live, eat, drink, play, talk, all inside a- you guessed it-a box. Because of this, similiar to the hoovy, they can attract lots of creatures to taunt and talk with him. But because it has no way to attack anything, these creatures can make easily food for hungry W+M1 Pyros and Tryhards. So if you see one of these EX-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥-TREMLY rare creatures, protect them at ALL COSTS.
The Taunt Killers
Our last creature we are going to talk about, a very passive-aggresive creature at best, the Taunt Killers are quite common in Hightower now-a-days. These creatures have a very interesting attack mechanism: The only way that they kill people is by taunting. If the class that they are playing can taunt kill, they WILL go for the taunt kill. Now if they are gonna get the taunt kill is kinda up in the air, but since the gibus snipers numbers are growing incredibly fast in hightower, these creatures often target them, and because of that, yes, most of the time they get a taunt kill. One of our researchers has made a FULL graph of what the taunt killers class is most of the time, take a look:

- Huntsman: 54%
- Heavy: 16%
- Ubersaw: 10%
- Pyro: 7%
- Kamikaze: 5%
- Sandman: 4%
- Demoman: 2%
- Guitar Hero: 1.9%
- Fencing 0.1%

(also just a quick note, why does the spy taunt does that 50 damage at the start of the taunt, you dont know how many times i failed that taunt kill because of that)
Credit Section:
- lintufriikki (Battle Medic Image)
- Hyperwave9000 (Trimping Demoman Image)
- rxg | ♥ WaffleMagician ♥ (For Helping me Make this guide,Relaxo Engineer Suggestion and Sticky Jumping Demoman Suggestion)
- Gaben | trade.tf (Sticky Demoman Suggestion)
- Snappy_Guardian (Taunt Killers Suggestion)
- The Magic Texan (Box Trot Spys Suggestion)
- Gnomes (Box Trot Spy Suggestion and Rancho Relaxo Suggestion)
The Second Guide is Complete!
Wow, our next guide already is complete, and this time i took some suggestions from the comments, i hope you guys liked that touch :3 now, what about to say may be sad for some people, but idk if im gonna make another one of these guides, you don't know how much effort i put into these guides for it just to be mediocre at best, plus i have school so there's another pitty excuse of mine, but if i have time to make another one, i'm probably gonna make one of these (because some of you guys said some cool options for me to make)

- CP Steel
- Dustbowl
- Swiftwater
- Badlands (as a whole, not just the map, exemple: Badwater Basin, Upward, etc.)
- Sujin
- Frontier

So yeah, idk if you guys are ever going to see me again, but if this gets an absurd level of ratings, just the The Wild Wonders of 2fort did, ill probably make another one, but if i don't, (in the voice of the Sniper) No Worrys Mate. I'm probably gonna make some ACTUAL guides in the future if i have time also, because i saw a REALLY good MvM Medic Guide recently, so that insipired me to make actual guidess about mvm, but until then, ill see you guys!
Quick Note about my Grammar
I'm from Brazil what do you expect lol.
147 Comments
Heccing Hecc 29 Oct, 2018 @ 12:15pm 
t.. this again?

WHAT YEAR IS IT
ัZOCOM 29 Oct, 2018 @ 12:37am 
next map = upward, not meme but for tryhards 10/10 full of good players (with airB pyro)
Bread 24 Jul, 2017 @ 5:55am 
Definetly Dustbowl. Thats all thats left after the two meme maps

bart simpson 13 Apr, 2017 @ 9:25am 
You said you were making an MvM guide, right?
I want to make a "Magical MvM Creatures" guide now :D
★nd★ 19 Mar, 2017 @ 5:02am 
Awesome guide like the others. Make more please :Discount_90:
Mercury 11 Mar, 2017 @ 9:20am 
cart pushers back then never got kicked.
Silvy N 10 Mar, 2017 @ 10:41am 
need more of this
laurence_xd  [author] 10 Mar, 2017 @ 9:04am 
+siuyiu welcom to modern tf2 ;-;
Cuavem 10 Mar, 2017 @ 4:36am 
Thanks for the guide!This is hilarious:D But why every hightower map I went there have only cappers and tryhards;_;
zombie sparkledog what!!!! 9 Mar, 2017 @ 10:44am 
I'm on it!